The power of a hot bath

While my baby was napping yesterday I began running my mind over my "to do" list. It was long. I had already slipped the cake in the oven and had a good 40 minutes before it would be done. The kitchen needed cleaned, but the bathrooms were already scrubbed and the laundry was going. While there was plenty I still could have done I decided to take a few minutes to soak in a warm bath while the cake was baking.

I stepped out of the tub with just enough time to throw on a robe and dash to the kitchen. The cake was done to perfection. As I was making my way back to the bedroom to get dressed I paused and looked in the mirror. My hair was disheveled in the pony tail that it was mostly falling out of. My face was clean. No make up. I was totally natural as they say. And I realized in that moment that I liked what I saw. Not only did I realize it, but I admitted it to myself. Looking in the mirror in that state I let myself enjoy the beauty that is me. Not because I'm perfect. Not because I had taken the time to get all fancied up. But just because I was me and that was enough.

What happened next surprised me a bit. As I acknowledged that I liked myself I felt this urgent need to take good care of what was there. Despite the fact that the smell of the most seductive chocolate cake I have ever made was pervading every corner of the house I was craving cherry tomatoes and a big glass of water. This made me smile. The girl with the sweet tooth didn't want sweets, even with the smell of chocolate on the air.

I went back into my bedroom and used one of my "fancy" lotions just because I felt like it, got dressed in some comfy clothes, turned on some relaxing music, poured myself a glass of cold water, and indulged in some delicious cherry tomatoes. It was only an hour that I spent pampering myself, but it was enough to energize me to finish decorating the cake and clean the kitchen.

The best part is, after taking a few minutes for myself I was a much better (and more patient) mother as the day went on. I was a kinder wife as well. Because I had taken a few minutes for myself I was able to take better care of the ones around me. I love this. 

Too often we feel that if we take time to take care of ourselves, let alone like ourselves, we will be selfish. Women are supposed to shoulder the burden of taking care of everyone around them selflessly. Or at least that is what we have come to subconsciously (and sometimes consciously) believe. What a shame. Some days we may not have an hour to spend on ourselves, but even 5 minutes of looking at what your needs are can make a difference. By caring for ourselves first we are better able to care for those around us.

The other thing I love about this story is how much I wanted to take care of myself as soon as I acknowledged that I liked myself. I knew I was special enough to wear my "fancy" lotion just because. Liking ourselves allows us to take better care of ourselves which in turn allows us to better care for our loved ones. So everybody wins. Eating intuitively is one of the best ways I have found to nurture and take care of myself, and to foster feelings of self-love. Yoga has also been instrumental for me in finding self-love. I have said before that learning this love is hard, but it is probably the most worthwhile thing you could do. I stand by that. And I think this story is evidence why.

Find what makes you feel amazing. Focus on that amazing feeling. Appreciate your body for how it makes you feel. And learn to love yourself. It can be done. Less than a year ago I proclaimed my hatred for my body. Today I feel the opposite. Oh there are still days and moments, but they are becoming fewer. The more I learn to love myself the more I am able to love others. Believe me, it is worth it.

Loving away self-hatred

We live in a society where it is rather in vogue to be dissatisfied with at least something when it comes to your own appearance. Younger and younger children are being fed lies about how they should look. There's such a huge focus on the outward appearance that it often leaves little time for development on the inside.

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Right now at Voice in Recovery Kendra has started what she calls a "grass roots movement" to stop self-hatred. While this is not a new concept and certainly not the only movement of it's kind out there, I am excited by the idea that there are others out there who see the problem with self-hatred.

Here's my take on it. I lived years in a state of finding fault with my appearance. I was always slightly dissatisfied with that lifestyle, but it wasn't until I was around people who were happy with themselves just as they were that I began to realize just how much I wanted that in my own life. My change started because I observed others and felt like I wanted to live the way they did. No one told me to change. No one guilted, scared, or pushed me into it. I decided to end self-hatred because I liked what I saw when others were doing it. And as a mother I didn't ever want to pass self-hatred on to my children.

Large scale change starts with the individual. It will happen when individuals decide they are good enough and stop self-hate. As those around them see what they are doing they too will get the bug and they too will change. As mothers, fathers, aunts, uncles, grandparents, sisters, brothers, and friends embrace a life of acceptance our children will naturally develop a healthy relationship with their bodies. The market will change as well. If everyone is happy as they are the media will follow suit.

I believe that the way to make a difference and to change the world has nothing to do with ranting and raving against the system and everything to do with changing our own lives. Sometimes it will be met with hostility from people who don't understand and think we are "giving up." Sometimes it will be met with criticism. But when you have changed and find the peace and happiness that accompanies it others will see that it is worth it.

We can't change anyone until we have changed ourselves. Stopping self-hatred starts with you. Start small. Make the decision that you are done with it. Then stop fat talk. Next start questioning your inner voice that tells you you aren't good enough. It takes time. Be patient and forgiving of yourself when you aren't perfect. Over time you will see a happy and welcomed change.

Let's make a move to stop self-hatred. One by one we can make a difference.