Trust in your amazing strength

Originally posted November 8, 2011

Trust means I have faith in my ability to survive and thrive.

I've been reading "A Year of Living Your Yoga" by Dr. Judith Hanson Lasater. I recommend it. On August 8th I read the above quote followed by this:

"Living Your Yoga: We want to trust others, but we are afraid they will let us down. Today instead of focusing on trusting others, remember that there is something bigger; trust your ability to be okay even if things are not okay."

I can't get this idea out of my head. I'm in love with it. I suppose at this point I haven't much left to hide on this blog, so I'll tell you honestly that I sometimes struggle with fear of the future, of heartache, and of the unknown. I know it isn't really rational, but I often stress that something horrible is around the corner. I worry about losing my husband in a horrible accident or to sickness. I worry about watching Cormac suffer. I worry about my new little one and having something horrible happen during pregnancy or birth.

There are a lot of wonderful people in my life who have had to deal with horrible heartbreaks. I look at what they have gone through and marvel at how strong they are. I wonder if I'd be able to come out on top the way they seem to have.

Now don't worry, I have never gotten to where this fear has crippled me from doing the things I want to do, but it is still a negative drain on my energy. And I know that there are those out there who are ruled by fears. With that in mind, think about this quote a minute. What a beautiful idea: "trust your ability to be okay even if things are not okay."

The human mind and body is incredibly resilient. No doubt you've dealt with pain and heartache already in your life, and while it may not have been as extreme as losing a loved one it was likely a challenge nonetheless. You adjusted. You made sacrifices and changes, but you made it through. And things were okay. Even in the less than fantastic circumstances.

So I've been trying to change my attitude. Instead of thinking about how on earth will I survive if the worst should happen, I've been working on trusting that I will be okay if that does happen. I'm a strong, confident, resilient woman. And while I hope to coast through life will all my loved ones in great health and no heartache, the truth is, that just isn't very likely. But it's okay because I'll be okay. I have my faith, my family, my friends, and my own stores of strength to pull from.

And you? Do you have resources to help you through a crisis? Do you trust yourself?

Harboring Thoughts

I have been amazed these last few months to realize how much control I have over my feelings. I guess in the past I have done a rather poor job of screening my thoughts. Rather, I have allowed all kinds of influences in and have just let them bash me around. But as I have struggled to redefine my body image in my head I have been extremely cautious what I let in. I am careful what I think. I excuse bad thoughts, and I am learning to be kind to myself. It is a wonderful way to live.

I have been reading Eat, Pray, Love and have found some of the things she says in this book to be incredibly profound. But as I was reading tonight I came across this passage and I was dying to share it with you. I love this. She is talking about how she just realized that she is in control of what comes and goes in her mind.

'So I've started being vigilant about watching my thoughts all day, and monitoring them. I repeat this vow about 700 times a day: "I will not harbor unhealthy thoughts anymore." Every time a diminishing thought arises, I repeat the vow. I will not harbor unhealthy thoughts anymore. The first time I heard myself say this, my inner ear perked up at the word "harbor," which is a noun as well as a verb. A harbor, of course, is a place of refuge, a port of entry. I pictured the harbor of my mind--a little beat-up, perhaps, a little storm-worn, but well situated and with a nice depth. The harbor of my mind is an open bay, the only access to the island of my Self (which is a young and volcanic island, yes, but fertile and promising). This island has been through some wars, it is true, but it is now committed to peace, under a new leader (me) who has instituted new policies to protect the place. And now--let the word go out across the seven seas--there are much, much stricter laws on the books about who may enter this harbor.
     'You may not come here anymore with your hard and abusive thoughts, with your plague ships of thoughts, with your slave ships of thoughts, with your warships of thoughts--all these will be turned away. Likewise, any pamphleteers, mutineers and violent assassins, desperate prostitutes, pimps and seditious stowaways--you may not come here anymore, either. Cannibalistic thoughts, for obvious reasons, will no longer be received. Even missionaries will be screened carefully, for sincerity. This is a peaceful harbor. The entryway to a fine and proud island that is only now beginning to cultivate tranquillity. If you can abide by these new laws, my dear thoughts, then you are welcome in my mind--otherwise, I shall turn you all back toward the sea from whence you came.
     'That is my mission, and it will never end.'

Beautiful. I love the way she puts that. I can't add anything to it. I just agree whole heartedly. Let's all guard the harbors of our minds more carefully and only allow good things onto our islands.