It takes guts to be your kind of awesome

Originally posted June 16, 2011

The first time I went skydiving I felt brave. At least that's what I told myself. I told myself I had guts. I was a brave gal. What I was really feeling was peer pressure and a whole lot of freak-out. But when you are strapped to someone larger than you who is headed for the door you kind of just go with it. When I landed I was elated. It was one of the most incredible experiences of my life.

But bravery? Maybe not.

When I think of the word "bravery," I picture war heroes, cancer patients, and firefighters. But then there is another group: people who are unapologetically themselves. Now that, friends, takes guts. It takes insane amounts of courage to be exactly who you are. Think about this with me for a minute.

1. These authentic beings do not let the fads of culture sway them.
2. They do not allow peer pressure to make them do crazy things (like jump out of planes, unless they really want to), or be anything other than what they are.
3. These folks have tried new things. How else could they find where their true passion lies.
4. Authentic individuals do not apologize for who they are.
5. Even when faced with loneliness or being alone these people cannot betray who and what they are.

All of these things take incredible courage. It's hard to let the opinions of others roll off our backs. It is hard to look in the mirror and be fine with what is there. Especially when the world may argue that the way we look is wrong. It's hard not to make excuses for being different. It's hard to just be you without justification. It is so hard to think that being you could alienate you from some. And it takes a lot of courage.

And then there's that whole trying new things bit. If you've always been marginally interested in karate, but never attended a class assuming it's not really for "your type" you are cheating yourself. You are taking away a chance to discover something that could light up your life and make your heart sing. But holy cow it's hard to walk through that door.

Trial and error is one of the great gifts of this life though. When we try new things we may fail. We may despise our karate class, or we may find a new true love. But until you master your fears and find the courage you need to step forward you may never actually meet the awesome person that you are.

Let's just say it like it is: It takes one brave person to be unapologetically themselves. I like those people. Here's hoping I find the courage to become one.

This post was written as part of the Self Discovery, Word by Word series. This month's marvelous hostess is Dr. Udall-Weiner from The Body and the Brood. Check out her post on the word of her choosing, "Bravery" here. Want to participate? Click here for details.

Let it shine

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Wednesday night I was able to teach yoga to a group of 17 and 18 year old girls from Church. I admit I was intimidated by the task. I was very into a specific body type in high school, and let's just say my current body isn't it. So I was worried these girls would not take me serious, or not believe that I was any good. These fears were fleeting and I was able to quite them down without a struggle. I may not be perfect, but I'm a good yoga teacher (ahem, toot toot), I know my stuff, and I can do a headstand what more do you need?

I should have known that those fleeting fears and moments of intimidation were silly. We had a wonderful class, and the girls were very eager and ready to learn more. I love to teach. And I love yoga. It's a great combination.

At one point during the class one of the adult leaders of the group commented that she thought I looked like Elizabeth Taylor who had passed away that day. Wow. Thanks.

But then one of the girls in the class said, "No, I think you are much more beautiful than her."

Whoa.

Talk about good for my ego. This girl wasn't at all offended by my size. And she even thought I was beautiful.

Maybe this isn't such a big deal, but it made me realize one thing loud and clear: I had been holding on to a belief that I could learn to see my beauty and inner beauty, but that the rest of the world probably wouldn't because I was too heavy.

How sad. I have been walking around with this unconscious idea that outside of my husband the rest of the world would just see another heavy woman. Rude. "Just another heavy woman!" Melanee!

There are many problems with this, but here are a few I thought of:
~ I am not "just another" anything. Neither is anyone else.
~ When I look at other people I see that they are beautiful. Generally their size doesn't really register unless I'm being self-conscious that day and playing the ever dangerous comparison game. So why would people not be able to look at me that way.
~ I'm not fat.
~ How sad that someone who advocates for better body image can still hold to a belief that the rest of the world is incapable of seeing beauty beyond pant size.
~ Confidence exudes beauty. It lets all that inner and outer light shine. Mine included.

Granted I don't want my life, my confidence, or my self-esteem to be based on if others think I'm beautiful or not. But come on, who doesn't like to be told they are beautiful? Growing up I heard it a lot, and I think I put too much stock in that. Now I just hear it from my husband. I have, thankfully, gotten to a point where I don't need to hear it as much, but it certainly doesn't hurt my feelings.

It is time for me to stop feeling sorry for myself because I sacrificed my beauty to have a child (or whatever random story I am telling myself in my subconscious). I was beautiful as a child, I was beautiful in high school, I was beautiful in college, I was beautiful when I got married, and I am beautiful as a new mother. Each stage in life has held a different form of beauty. My beauty has evolved as I have grown and changed. That's kind of what makes it so beautiful. But that beauty is certainly not gone, and I don't have to believe no one sees it.

Neither do you. You are beautiful as you are. As you learn to love and accept your body that beauty will shine all the brighter.

Humbled

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Last night I went and saw Stephanie Nielson (Nie Nie) speak. Wow. That's all I can say. Boy do I feel like a little brat. Here I am complaining that I weigh a few extra pounds and that I have stretch marks. Well boo hoo. Here is a woman who was burned over 80% of her body. She looks completely different than she did before the accident and she can stand in front of a group of hundreds and declare that she is beautiful. And she is. She truly is.

Here are some things that she said that I would like to remember.

Beauty is health,
Beauty is harmony,
Beauty is peace,
Beauty is self-confidence,
and Beauty is your inner voice sharing God's love and reminding you to return to Him. (I'm paraphrasing).

"Our beauty is a gift given to us by God and no one can take it away."

I'd like to end on that. I'll update you on the diet and such later. For now, just let those last words of hers sink in. How powerful to think that our beauty if from God and not something defined by anything or anyone here on Earth. And even more powerful is the knowledge that it is ours and cannot be taken away.

Guest Post: The Girl in the Mirror - True Beauty School

I'm excited to introduce my dear cousin Hannah. Okay, fine, she's really my husband's cousin, but I'm claiming her. She is an inspiration to me. She is raising three wonderful girls and yet still finds time to be a productive and amazing person. You can find out more about Hannah by visiting her blog Lily and Thistle. She also has the most adorable line of custom paper dolls that you can check out here. Enjoy!

Girl in Mirror by Norman Rockwell

We've all been to "Beauty School" in one way or another haven't we? For me and most of us, beauty school started as long ago as elementary school, maybe even sooner. It seemed every story we read or movie we watched, the heroine/hero was beautiful and kind and the villain/witch was ugly with crooked teeth and warty skin. So naturally I assumed all "pretty" people were good and all "ugly" people were bad. I unconsciously learned that I needed to be pretty to be good, worthwhile. I knew I looked "pretty" after my mom braided my hair because my mom always told me so. I knew the ladies on the Miss America Pageant show were "beautiful." When I overheard the kids taunt the "fat girl" at school or when I went to my neighbor friend's house and saw her mom working out to Jane Fonda with her diet soda right at her side, I knew being thin was very important too. 

Beauty School studies seemed to get more intense as I got older. During high school, Seventeen magazine was delivered to my door every month full of pictures and products to help me reach the "ideal beauty." Some of the boys at school seemed to know just what areas I was self-conscious about and tease me and some of the other girls. My older brother would chant "fat legs, fat legs" whenever I wore shorts. This was the ultimate in put-downs. I stopped wearing shorts.  

I was lucky though, for every negative voice, I had at least twice as many voices telling me I was a "Daughter of God," an "Eternal Being," with divine worth.  On sundays I was surrounded by other young women who were real friends and were learning the same things.  Along with Seventeen magazine, a magazine called The New Era came to my door. The stories in this magazine helped me see past all of the beauty "ideals" and to think of beauty on a deeper, more meaningful level. I was lucky to have parents who, for the most part, confirmed the things I was taught at church. Most of the time, when I thought of a "beautiful woman," it was usually one of my church leaders.  

Beauty School is still going on for me today but I believe I am in the graduate program and the school is now called "True Beauty School." I am realizing that the more I live and learn the more I can see true beauty. I think of the beauty of my body that gave us three amazing baby girls. I think of women who have survived cancer or who have been scarred or disfigured by accidents but whose beauty almost overwhelmingly shines through.  I've realized that beauty is a VERB.

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I wonder what my daughters' perception of beauty will be. I know they will receive many mixed messages and be exposed to a lot. I know I have a huge responsibility to guide them. I hope that my voice will be one that will confirm the divine nature that each of them has. I hope that my guidance will be the kind that leads them to serve and look outside of themselves to help others but to also be comfortable in their own skin.  

 I still forget once in a while who I really am and can get caught up in things that really don't matter...we are all still "girls in the mirror" aren't we? It's so important that we face our unfinished beauty school business so that the next generation of girls will be strong enough not only to see the real beauty in themselves but cultivate the real beauty in others. We don't have to do it alone...we just have to stay enrolled in True Beauty School.