Let it shine

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Wednesday night I was able to teach yoga to a group of 17 and 18 year old girls from Church. I admit I was intimidated by the task. I was very into a specific body type in high school, and let's just say my current body isn't it. So I was worried these girls would not take me serious, or not believe that I was any good. These fears were fleeting and I was able to quite them down without a struggle. I may not be perfect, but I'm a good yoga teacher (ahem, toot toot), I know my stuff, and I can do a headstand what more do you need?

I should have known that those fleeting fears and moments of intimidation were silly. We had a wonderful class, and the girls were very eager and ready to learn more. I love to teach. And I love yoga. It's a great combination.

At one point during the class one of the adult leaders of the group commented that she thought I looked like Elizabeth Taylor who had passed away that day. Wow. Thanks.

But then one of the girls in the class said, "No, I think you are much more beautiful than her."

Whoa.

Talk about good for my ego. This girl wasn't at all offended by my size. And she even thought I was beautiful.

Maybe this isn't such a big deal, but it made me realize one thing loud and clear: I had been holding on to a belief that I could learn to see my beauty and inner beauty, but that the rest of the world probably wouldn't because I was too heavy.

How sad. I have been walking around with this unconscious idea that outside of my husband the rest of the world would just see another heavy woman. Rude. "Just another heavy woman!" Melanee!

There are many problems with this, but here are a few I thought of:
~ I am not "just another" anything. Neither is anyone else.
~ When I look at other people I see that they are beautiful. Generally their size doesn't really register unless I'm being self-conscious that day and playing the ever dangerous comparison game. So why would people not be able to look at me that way.
~ I'm not fat.
~ How sad that someone who advocates for better body image can still hold to a belief that the rest of the world is incapable of seeing beauty beyond pant size.
~ Confidence exudes beauty. It lets all that inner and outer light shine. Mine included.

Granted I don't want my life, my confidence, or my self-esteem to be based on if others think I'm beautiful or not. But come on, who doesn't like to be told they are beautiful? Growing up I heard it a lot, and I think I put too much stock in that. Now I just hear it from my husband. I have, thankfully, gotten to a point where I don't need to hear it as much, but it certainly doesn't hurt my feelings.

It is time for me to stop feeling sorry for myself because I sacrificed my beauty to have a child (or whatever random story I am telling myself in my subconscious). I was beautiful as a child, I was beautiful in high school, I was beautiful in college, I was beautiful when I got married, and I am beautiful as a new mother. Each stage in life has held a different form of beauty. My beauty has evolved as I have grown and changed. That's kind of what makes it so beautiful. But that beauty is certainly not gone, and I don't have to believe no one sees it.

Neither do you. You are beautiful as you are. As you learn to love and accept your body that beauty will shine all the brighter.

Beautiful, Capable, Trustworthy

A few days ago I posted about intuitive eating. My friend Sarah left a comment. Intuitive eating means you must trust that your body knows exactly what it needs to be healthy and fit. Sarah commented that many people do not trust their bodies. Instead, they believe if they throw out the rules they will live on pastries alone. While it may work for some people to listen to their bodies, many hold to a belief that it would not work for them. Their body is not to be trusted.

I've been thinking about this a lot since I received that comment (thanks Sarah, as always you are wonderful and help me to improve). My mother-in-law kindly gifted us a book called Simple Abundance* by Sarah Ban Breathnach that I have been reading. Here is a quote:

". . . whether we are consciously aware of it or not, we're constantly programmed by the world to be other women, not ourselves. We're supposed to look like Cindy Crawford, entertain like Martha Stewart, and decorate like Alexandra Stoddard. With this pervasive social schizophrenia, it's no wonder that most women are terribly confused about the the issue of authenticity."

Top this off with a nice dose of "obesity epidemic" scares and you have a recipe for disaster. We have come to believe that we can achieve all the lofty goals of becoming "the perfect woman," or another woman for that matter, if we look and act a certain way. We'll focus on the look part for today; the act part is a post all unto itself. So in order for our dreams to come true we focus on something we are supposed to be able to control easily with diet and exercise when in reality, that doesn't work for some people (most people). With everyone walking around talking about this or that diet we assume that bodies are not to be trusted, and so we too jump on the wagon and begin a regimen that can set us up to roller coaster through out our entire lives.

So how does one learn to trust their body again? I certainly don't have all the answers, but I will divulge my own path.

I believe that the main catalyst for success in trusting my body started with yoga. Even though I was not as experienced, flexible, or strong as many of the wonderful women in the class with me as I became certified to teach, I began to truly appreciate the ability I had. Every practice made me see that  my body was capable of amazing things. Each day I could go deeper in a pose or lift myself a little higher. My improvement came quickly and helped me see what an amazing mechanism this body of mine was.

During those weeks of training I was also able to reconnect with my body. That is, after all, a large part of yoga. Through regular practice and meditation I began to slowly recognize someone I had known all along, but had forgotten about in the frenzy of life: my body. My beautiful, capable, trustworthy body.

It has been several years since that time and I am just now learning the ropes of intuitive eating, so at that point in my life I wasn't ready to jump in head first, but it set the groundwork. I have mentioned before my struggle with fibromyalgia, insomnia, and fatigue. These issues have also helped me to reconnect with my body. In order to gear up to get a full night's sleep, I would listen to my body throughout the day trying to assess if I was too stressed or excited to sleep that night. Then relax accordingly. On days when my body was in pain I would try to listen to what it needed to feel better; a bath, a good stretch, maybe a walk. These attentions were small, but they allowed me to reconnect.

So when I started intuitive eating I had laid the groundwork of body trust, but I will admit I wasn't fully convinced I could do it. I had spent my life consuming exorbitant amounts of sugar and simple carbs at every possible moment that I wasn't failing at a new diet. Nothing seemed to curb my cravings. How could someone like that be set free of the "rules?"

But I had hit dieting bottom. I wasn't losing the baby weight as advertised (nursing isn't magical for everyone in that way), and every new attempt to diet led me straight to the refrigerator or pantry so I could eat everything I would never eat again before I began. Then I'd diet for a week or maybe two or three and when the scale didn't move, moved up, or only fell a pound I'd give up and run back to my comfort foods. And I felt miserable.

Then there was the knowledge that as a new mother I wanted to be careful to instill good body image ideas in my children, and I was to the point where even if I never dropped a pound I wanted to be happy and ultimately healthy. And dieting wasn't providing either of those things. Besides, aren't we born with the innate ability to eat exactly the right amount to grow and develop? Shouldn't we hang on to that? Yes and yes.

This is getting lengthy so allow me to sum up: I feel immensely better when I honor my body by eating intuitively. I eat less sugar than I have eaten since before I can remember. Not because it is forbidden, but because I don't like how I feel after I eat it. We still have treats in the house, but I can eat one or two and walk away. I no longer have to finish the bag. I'm learning to recognize when I am wanting to eat to mask other emotions. I'm learning to deal with those emotions in a healthy way (this is a work in progress). The scale doesn't seem to move, but my clothes are getting more loose. And while there are still plenty of days and moments when I am tempted by a new diet I hear about, and while the siren song of losing weight still captures my attention from time to time, I am ultimately happier when I push those aside and realize that this body of mine is beautiful, capable, and trustworthy.


*Disclaimer: This link will take you to Amazon. Purchases made from connecting from here to there (funny things are everywhere, Dr. Suess much?) will help to support this site and feed my darling little boy:)

Stop overeating and reconnect to your body

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One of my major downfalls in the past has been overeating. It was not uncommon for me to be so uncomfortable that I would want to just curl up. Miserable.

Learning to stop overeating has been hard for me, to be perfectly honest. But it has been very worth it. I'm not perfect yet (this weekend out at my in-laws can attest to that fact), but on the whole I've been better.

So I have put together 10 tips that have helped me. I generally shy away from making lists of behaviors because everyone is individual and needs to find what works best for them. However, in order to find out what works well you need to know what to try. Most of these are not new or ground breaking, but they are working for me and maybe they can help you too.

So without further ado, here are Melanee's 10 insights into stopping the overeating (in no particular order):

1. Eat often. I used to skip breakfast. By early afternoon I was so hungry I couldn't stand it. So I started eating breakfast, but then I'd skip lunch and be ravenous by dinner. Having a little one helps. I try to have a snack any time he does. You don't have to eat a lot, but just keeping yourself from getting too empty makes a big difference.

2. Have a stash. When Cormac was about 4 months old we went to visit Ammon's sister's family. I was nursing at the time. I knew his sister, but not well. During mealtimes I would catch myself eating insane amounts of food because I was worried I would get hungry before the next meal and not produce enough for my baby. I wasn't totally comfortable asking for snacks (I'm shy like that), so I overate. Since then I've had a rule to have a stash when I go places so I don't feel like a crazed animal. I don't want to eat like that, it's rude and unhealthy. I find having a granola bar or a stash of nuts in my purse during any given day is a good practice. Just plan ahead.

3. Eat mindfully. It was a rare thing when I would eat without distractions. Often I was reading or watching something while I ate. I still like to do this, but I'm learning to stop in order to listen to my body. If I'm distracted with something else I don't know when to stop eating.

4. Slow down. Growing up it was always the family joke (more of a reality) that my mom would spend all day slaving over the most amazing Thanksgiving dinner and we would be done eating in 15 minutes flat. By the time my brain figured out what was happening it was too late. I was over full.

5. Small portions. I think this one complements number 4 nicely. When I fill my plate with just a small amount of everything I am able to enjoy what I like and then pick seconds of that thing. While picking seconds I have time to assess just how hungry I still am. This has also helped me to learn about how much food I truly need. It obviously varies from day to day, but having a rough idea is nice.

6. Save it for later/prioritize. I read recently that those of us who feel like we have to finish our plates or else it is going to go to waste need to realize that it is going to waste either way. If we are full our body has what it needs. Any extra is waste. Leftovers are magical. I used to despise them, now I purposely cook to have them. Also, when I sit down to a meal I look to see what will save well and what won't. I eat the item that won't be great leftover first then fill in the gaps with the other foods until I'm full. The next day I have a wonderful meal waiting for me.

7. Observe. You need to take time to observe how you feel during your eating. No judgements here. If you mess up and overeat one day forgive yourself and move on. It's no big deal. Just keep paying attention and practicing and you'll get it down.

8. Stop emotional eating. This one is very tricky for me. When I find myself mindlessly wandering to the kitchen I have been learning to stop to see what it is I really need/want. If I find myself just eating something. . . anything, I know that there is something else a foot. Time to take a step back and address those other things, even when it's hard.

9. Savor. Take time to taste your food. Rejoice in the various flavors and textures. Eat the rainbow. Involve all of your senses. It makes meal time much more rewarding and satisfying.

10. Eat what you want. You are much more likely to stop after you've had enough if you've eaten exactly what you want. If you eat something else you won't be satisfied and you'll keep grazing the kitchen searching for that satisfied feeling. Rather than do that, throw out your rules and eat exactly what you want and what makes you feel good. Practice being an intuitive eater.

Pick and choose which of these appeals to you. Everyone is different. Everyone is unique. And everyone has a special combination that works just right for them. Take the time to find yours. Your body is worth it.

Intuitive Eating Explained

I have mentioned the words "intuitive eating" a lot on this blog, but it occurred to me that perhaps this might be greek to a few people. After all, less than a year ago I had never heard of intuitive eating myself.

The most common reaction I get from people who first hear about intuitive eating is that I'm giving up. I'm embracing the idea of spending my life extremely overweight so that I can indulge in all the sweets I can get my hands on.

My husband used to call me his hummingbird because of my obsession with sugar. During all my years of restricting and dieting I would sneak sugar whenever possible. I looked for ways to always be getting more sugar into my diet. I could never stop at just one piece. I had to eat the whole package. My family all knows me as the one with the sweet tooth. But since I have begun intuitive eating I eat a piece of candy here or there, or a dessert when I feel like it, but I'm able to stop after just a small amount. In fact there are times I have passed up on dessert altogether.

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Here are the details.  While it is true that when it comes to intuitive eating there are no rules, that doesn't mean eating with abandon. Calorie counting and forbidden foods go out the window. If you want ice cream and french fries for dinner that is completely allowed and acceptable, no guilt. However, it is called "intuitive" for a reason. The idea is that you are getting back in touch with your body.

The hope is that you will stop eating when you are full. You'll only eat when you are physically hungry. And you'll eat exactly what your body wants.

How often do you eat something just because it's available? What about eating mindlessly until you realize you are so full you might pop? And have you ever eaten a ridiculous amount of something because "tomorrow you're going on a diet and you'll never get to eat this again?"

When eating intuitively you listen to your body making sure to only eat when you are hungry and to stop when you are full. Sounds simple, but it's amazing how difficult this can be for us to actually put into practice.

The other side of this coin involves eating what your body wants. So let's say you did eat ice cream and french fries for dinner, how did you feel after the meal was over? Did you feel energized? Did you feel healthy, happy, nourished? Because that is how we want to feel after a meal. The more time you spend observing how the food you eat makes you feel the more you want to make choices that help you feel your best.

People who practice intuitive eating find their weight battle at an end. They no longer lose and gain like they are on a roller coaster. Their weight naturally stops where it should be.  There is no "giving up" involved. Rather, intuitive eating is the ultimate form of healthy eating in order to lose weight and give your body the nourishment it actually wants and needs.

Read this post by Dr. Solomon from Nourishing the Soul for more on the subject of "giving up."

Loving away self-hatred

We live in a society where it is rather in vogue to be dissatisfied with at least something when it comes to your own appearance. Younger and younger children are being fed lies about how they should look. There's such a huge focus on the outward appearance that it often leaves little time for development on the inside.

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Right now at Voice in Recovery Kendra has started what she calls a "grass roots movement" to stop self-hatred. While this is not a new concept and certainly not the only movement of it's kind out there, I am excited by the idea that there are others out there who see the problem with self-hatred.

Here's my take on it. I lived years in a state of finding fault with my appearance. I was always slightly dissatisfied with that lifestyle, but it wasn't until I was around people who were happy with themselves just as they were that I began to realize just how much I wanted that in my own life. My change started because I observed others and felt like I wanted to live the way they did. No one told me to change. No one guilted, scared, or pushed me into it. I decided to end self-hatred because I liked what I saw when others were doing it. And as a mother I didn't ever want to pass self-hatred on to my children.

Large scale change starts with the individual. It will happen when individuals decide they are good enough and stop self-hate. As those around them see what they are doing they too will get the bug and they too will change. As mothers, fathers, aunts, uncles, grandparents, sisters, brothers, and friends embrace a life of acceptance our children will naturally develop a healthy relationship with their bodies. The market will change as well. If everyone is happy as they are the media will follow suit.

I believe that the way to make a difference and to change the world has nothing to do with ranting and raving against the system and everything to do with changing our own lives. Sometimes it will be met with hostility from people who don't understand and think we are "giving up." Sometimes it will be met with criticism. But when you have changed and find the peace and happiness that accompanies it others will see that it is worth it.

We can't change anyone until we have changed ourselves. Stopping self-hatred starts with you. Start small. Make the decision that you are done with it. Then stop fat talk. Next start questioning your inner voice that tells you you aren't good enough. It takes time. Be patient and forgiving of yourself when you aren't perfect. Over time you will see a happy and welcomed change.

Let's make a move to stop self-hatred. One by one we can make a difference.

Happy St. Patrick's Day

I hope you all remembered to wear green today. I haven't gotten dressed just yet, but when I do I'll be sure to get some green on my person. No pinching me. I thought I'd share a few fun things with you today to help you celebrate the day.

First off, be sure to read up on St. Patrick's day with this article that summarizes it quite nicely.

If you haven't seen this already you need to watch it. No, it has nothing to do with St. Patrick's day, but I love it. So incredibly cute. It'll make you feel lucky (or maybe not, but I'm trying to stick with the theme, work with me here).



Speaking of luck, today on Positively Present there is a wonderful post on creating your own luck and living a more positive life. I really love this one.

If you are looking for something green to eat today check out this guacamole recipe from Health for the Whole Soul. And while you're there enjoy this cute poem about self acceptance.

The wonderful Joy at Being Joy talks about coming out of hiding. I love this video because I feel like this is one of the things I'm trying to accomplish on this blog. Take a minute to watch it.

After you watch that check out Curvy Yoga for a few thoughts on weight loss.

While we are on the subject of weight loss, I love, love, love this article on Weightless about health magazines, so eloquent. And while you are there read about true beauty. This is a really inspiring post.

Then to finish it all off I would like to refer you to The Beauty of Different to celebrate differences.

And back to the theme. This little guy isn't Irish, but his name, Cormac, is.

And he makes me feel lucky. Happy St. Patrick's Day.

P.S. Need a good movie? Watch The Fantastic Mr. Fox. HilARiOUs.

Heart Break for Japan

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The last few nights I have had a hard time sleeping. Every time I close my eyes I see images from the scene over in Japan. My heart aches for the people who are suffering, for the families that have been destroyed, for the lives that have been changed forever. So much destruction. It gives me nightmares.

Geneen Roth talks about a meditation that she learned in her book Women, Food and God:

"I heard a meditation years ago in which a teacher suggested that we think about what people who had recently died would give to be sitting where we were. To be sitting in any body, in any room. He said, 'Think of what they would give to have just one more moment inside this physical form, these arms, these legs, this beating heart and no other.' I gathered that the dead to whom he referred didn't really care about the size of anyone's thighs."

Thinking about the tragedy in Japan has made me feel that often the things we struggle with during the day (like the size of our thighs) is trivial in the big scheme of things. It is humbling to realize that if a catastrophe hit I would crave just a few more moments of my family regardless of my appearance. Our bodies are a gift from God, but we rarely treat them as such. Instead we spend time, money, and energy trying to force our bodies to fit a standard that is not realistic. We spend hours, days, weeks, months fretting over our failure to weigh a certain weight, or wear a certain size.

Our troubles are real. Our problems are important to us. Even the trivial ones. But sometimes it is valuable to step back and understand that what really counts, what is really important has nothing to do with our appearance and everything to do with how we use our bodies for good.

I snuck into my son's room last night in the middle of the night when I wasn't sleeping. I picked him up and held him in my arms while he slept. I paid close attention to the weight of his body against mine, and I thanked my Heavenly Father that I had a body to hold my son against. I thanked Him that I was able to even have a son. I felt sorry for the time I have wasted feeling bad about my body, especially since the birth of my son. What a gift, these bodies. We could never experience a hug or a physical touch. We wouldn't be able to smell a rose or know when rain was coming by the smell outside. We would miss so much.

My heart is aching for Japan. I'm thankful for the human race and the thousands of people rushing to the aid of those who are suffering. It always warms my heart to see how the world responds to a catastrophe. If you are wanting to help as well I'll refer you to The Beauty of Different where Karen outlines places for donations and aid.

At this time I am also thankful for my knowledge of the after life and that families are eternal. If you would like to learn more about what I believe go here.

Take today to revel in the world around you. Remember your 5 senses. Enjoy your family. Take the time to do something good with your body and enjoy that you have such a gift.