Thursday, March 10, 2011

The scale will not be my master anymore

Yesterday I finally broke down and went down to the doctor. I was really dizzy. My ears were drumming. So I had my husband drive me (rather than endanger the world with my dizzy driving).

As is the custom of doctor's offices I needed to stand on a scale at the beginning of the appointment. I have been very careful to avoid scales for the last few weeks. I have been trying to turn my attention to how my body feels, rather than how it looks.

I thought about stepping on backward. Then I would never know. . . but then there is a part of me that is still concerned with such things as weight. So I didn't. Besides. I was confident that the numbers would read lower than they did the last time I was on a scale.

They weren't lower.

And I had a moment of panic. For one fleeting moment I thought I should start a new diet. Summer is around the corner, how can I take my son to the pool without first dropping some weight? How can I successfully instruct yoga without losing some weight? How can I be a good wife if I don't lose some weight?

For one moment I thought of all the things that I could do to drop weight. I could set up some rules. Restrict certain foods. Exercise more (aka kill myself at the gym).

But the moment was rather fleeting. It passed quickly. And I realized that I didn't want to step back in to that lifestyle.

The most exciting part? I shrugged off my weight like it didn't matter. I had my moment of "oh no" and then moved on. I sent myself some love. Said it was okay that I wasn't dropping pounds left and right. I acknowledged that I felt thinner (I have lost inches even if I haven't lost pounds). But more than feeling thinner, I felt healthier than I have in a while (other than my exploding ear drums that is).

Ladies and gentlemen, I had a break though moment. A moment where I observed myself exactly where I am and decided that I am enough. Nothing needs to change. I'm okay with being me, and I'm okay with where being me is at right now.

So it is possible. Learning to love ourselves. I'm happy to say that I think I'm getting it down finally. Because I'm beautiful just the way I am. And I deserve love. So do you.


Jenarcissist @ the closet narcissist said...

Woohoo!!! Melanee, I'm SO proud of you! This really IS a huge breakthrough moment for you. It's okay (and normal) that you had the freak-out...the important thing is that you pushed past the initial thought process and beat it. Yay!!

The scales at the doc's office always put more pounds on me than my digital at home. Part of it is probably the weight of your clothes and shoes, which adds 2 or 3 pounds, and of course, muscle weighs more than fat, and I'm sure that's part of it. But I am totally with you on being happier about inches than pounds AND just plain being happy with yourself wherever you're at.

Aaaaannnnd...you know I REALLY like hearing you come out with it and say, "I am beautiful." I really think you meant it. :)

P.S. Yes, of COURSE we're interested in swapping guest posts! (In case you didn't see my comment reply yesterday.)

the narcissists' diary / the closet narcissist

Candice said...

Have you heard of FreeLife? They have products that help normalize your system, fixes your GI tract, etc. One of their products is TAIslim. It 1) fights dangerous abdominal fat, 2) safely enhances metabolic fat burning, 3) controls appetite, 4) cleanses and renews your system. I started taking this, not to lose weight (I don't have weight to lose) but for the fourth reason. I take a smaller dose than it recommends so I don't lose needed weight. I'm also taking a couple other things such as Jule, which is called a 'normalizer'. I've been having some health issues and since I started taking that I haven't had those issues. I just started this last week. I have had more energy and have had a better well-being feeling since I've started taking it. If you want, I'll let you know how I'm still doing in a couple weeks of this.

Candice said...

Oh and I was just thinking, yesterday I actually had the motivation to clean. That doesn't happen often. Sure I clean, but I'm never motivated to clean. I just do it because I don't want to live in a pigsty. I was a cleaning machine yesterday. I'm even going to do some more today. I didn't clean everything yesterday, motivation or not, I have my limits. I'm just amazed at how much energy I have. And it makes me feel great!

Melanee said...

@Jenarcissist: Thank you. I thought of you as I was finally getting up my courage to write the 'I am beautiful sentence.' I thought you'd be proud. Let's pick a date to swap. I'd love to write something for you folks. Anything in particular that you are looking for?

@Candice: I'm glad you have found something that has worked for you. I think we each need to figure out a system for our bodies that works and helps us feel our best. I have found, for me, that products don't do this for me. Some of the time they give me a temporary boost, but then after a while that wears off. Add that to the fact that I have to pay for these things, and they aren't natural, and I tend to shy away from them. For me, I found that exercising regularly and eating an organic whole foods diet gave me the most energy of anything I've ever done. I've not been doing it much lately. I need to get back into it. I also get scared of things that say they help promote weight loss and cleanse our systems. Our bodies can do both of those things naturally if we let them. We just have to learn to listen. Anyway, that's just my 2 cents. I'm glad to hear it's working for you. I hope it continues to help you feel your best. It is so important for us to take care of our bodies and to feel well. Love ya!

Rosie said...

Melanee, I am so happy to discover your blog and love this post. That is a break through moment, and I love that you shared it here. So much of what you said resonated with me. I look forward to reading more.