Thursday, October 7, 2010

Self Discovery

I am sitting here at my computer savoring the most delicious artichoke that I have ever eaten. It is divine. The dishes are done, the laundry is started, I finally got to go to the gym today after a week of everyone being sick, my baby is sleeping, and all is right with the world for this brief moment. Sure I have a million things on my to do list, but nothing can beat this quiet little moment while I take the time to enjoy every. single. bite of this food that I didn't know that I liked a few weeks ago.

Since beginning this blog I have been discovering so many new things about myself. The elimination diet, for example, has shown me how much I adore cauliflower and artichokes, but I hate sweet potatoes and yams. This last bit makes me sad. They are so good for you. I truly tried to love them. I really wanted to, but I don't.

I have been reading The Happiness Project. In part of the book she talks about learning what exactly it is that she enjoys doing and then doing it. She also talks about how this can be liberating and sad at the same time.

Let me explain, in my own life I love to read. I just adore it. All kinds of books. So, I try to take a little time each day (even if it is just a few minutes) to sit and read. I am also allowing myself to finally accept my true nature as a shy introvert. All my life I have wanted to be one of those outgoing people who have a million friends and are always doing something, like my sister. But I'm not comfortable with that. I don't even like to talk on the phone. It is sad for me to think that I'll never be super outgoing and never be comfortable going from one social engagement to the next. I would love to do that. But I don't enjoy it. It stresses me out.

I have really learned a lot from this deep reflection on my true nature and what I do and don't like to do. I have come to realize that if I want to love myself then I need to come to terms with the person that I am, my true nature. Now, this is not to say that I would never try new things and that I can't learn to like things, I most certainly can and do, but knowing that if I want to pick up tennis and then learn that I don't enjoy it I can drop it without guilt is a wonderful feeling.

So, today on day 20 of my diet I am happy to report that I am feeling more at home with myself than I ever have in my life. I am trying new things, accepting who I am, and learning to find joy in each and every day.

Diet Update: Day 20. I'm adding in cashews today (although I haven't had any yet and should probably go eat some). Two days ago I went and got my hair cut. I had Cormac with me at the mall and it took so much longer than I had planned. I hadn't brought anything for us to eat. Cormac was starving, so I stopped at the food court and bought some french fries for the crying boy. He didn't eat them all, of course, and I didn't eat any. I didn't even lick my fingers, I was so proud of myself (I adore french fries). I went the grocery store today and walked past all the Halloween candy without so much as a look. I walked straight to the produce aisle and felt giddy over the enormous apples and grapes on sale. I picked out beautifully colored greens to eat. I was in Heaven. Who knew that one day I could get as excited about fresh produce as I used to get over sweets. So, I'm doing well. My back pain is still present and actually getting worse, I'm not sure if it is food related or just in need of a good Physical Therapist. Other than that I have been feeling great. Hooray.

1 comment:

Sarah said...

love this post. go you!!!