confidence. Really? Was she buttering me up so I'd be willing to post? (I
would have happily been a guest anyway.)
I don't always feel confident. Do I appear confident?
Where does confidence come from? An obvious but fickle source is other
people. I had a beautiful roommate in college for a brief summer term. She
was tall with long blonde hair and blue eyes. She was artistic and athletic
and popular. She was also bulimic.
She'd always been Beautiful. That's who she was. Everyone told her
she was Beautiful. Then she gained a little weight in college (not much).
She HAD to keep being Beautiful. She didn't have another way to identify
Fortunately, I've never had the problem of my identity being
I have been known to compare myself to others. It's a soul sapping
pursuit. It has made me miserable by day and sleepless by night.
There's no upside. I am learning (trying) to rejoice in others'
successes rather than feel diminished by them. There are some people‹the
ones I know very best‹that I never feel the need to compare myself to. I
know them well enough to know we're all in this together. I'm convinced if
we all knew each other better, we wouldn't feel lacking.
Confidence is a process, certainly susceptible to setbacks large and small.
When confidence falters, sometimes you just need to ride it out. In the
meantime, here are some other sources of confidence that I've found:
1- Getting older. It just helps. At 27 I was truckloads more confident
than I was at 17 and at 37, exponentially more.
2- Live by your own lights. Really consider what it is you want. Consider
why. If you strive for what you truly want and you feel sure that it is in
line with your values, you feel confident that you're on the right track.
3- Take care of yourself. A little bit of selfishness is in order for women
everywhere. (And really isn't that selfish.) I am a firm believer in
a touch of pampering. I am well acquainted with leisurely hot baths and my
comfortable favorite chair. I am never shy in letting my husband know what
makes me happy. I walk and chat (free therapy) with a friend instead of
working out at the gym (which would feel like Work). If you give yourself
permission to nurture your own needs every once in awhile, you will start to
believe you are someone worth the effort.
The most important source of confidence is readily available to all of us
though. It is doing good in the world. When you know, know, that
you've made a difference in the life of someone else, it can only magnify
your sense of worth.
Thelma is my dear, dear sister-in-law. I love all of my husband's sister and all of his bother's wives. They are all so inspiring. In fact, I can attribute the whole beginning of my journey to Ammon's family. If you want to read more about Thelma and her adventures (she is a wonderful writer isn't she?) then you can visit her blog here.