High school prom. My handsome husband and me.
Jane has since found her prince charming. He is good and kind to her. He adores her just as she is. He is with her on her bad days as well as her good ones. He never tries to make her feel bad about herself. They make sacrifices to be together and to make a happy life together. Jane finally sees that being treated badly isn't worth it. I believe she is also beginning to see what I see in her.
After recovering somewhat from my break-up I became mad. Not at my parents anymore, but at the guy who had so mistreated me. I hated him. I never wanted to hear his name again. I was so mad. But my anger wasn't very productive. I didn't really feel better about myself. I was just angry and stayed angry for a long time. It took me a long time to move on. It took a lot of people helping me to see that I wasn't totally a loser. It took a lot of accomplishments for me to finally feel like I had worth. But I got better. Not healed all the way though at that point. Not until I married my husband and had his help. Even today I think I'm still recovering from that and all the other negative self talk I have been feeding myself for years. I am married to the most incredible man ever now. Even Jane's prince charming pales in comparison. I am truly loved. My husband would never make me feel low about myself. Never.
1. I was a hypocrite. It was all fine and good for me to be outraged by Jane's treatment, but when I was in a similar situation I was convinced that I deserved it. All the while I was preaching that no one deserved such treatment. No one but me. I was dirt. I deserved what I got. Not true.
2. It is difficult for someone who hates themselves to make those around them feel special and loved. My boyfriend was miserable and he transfered that to me. He was stuck in a horrible situation and so that is how he treated things he "cared" about. If we hate ourselves and cannot treat ourselves kindly then our relationships with others will suffer and can never reach their full potential. There will always be poison in that well.
3. The relationships that we are in make a huge difference on how we feel. But it is our choice who we create relationships with. You do not have to be in a relationship that makes you feel poorly about yourself or about others. Never. You have the power to surround yourselves with those who make you feel good. If there are people in our lives that we can't get rid of but would like to, then avoid them. Change the subject when unpleasant things come up. Just know that you can be in control. We do not have to let others destroy the way we feel about ourselves.
4. You can't fix people. They have to fix themselves. People who have serious psychological issues need professional help. It is important not to get into a situation where you are constantly being torn down when all you were trying to do is help. Be a support if you need to, but be it from a distance. It is so important to protect our own sense of self worth and happiness. Without those things we cannot be productive, happy people. We can't make a difference for good in this world. We simply can't. We need to have an intact sense of self.
5. Today I believe that it is true that no one deserves to be mistreated. Even myself. I don't deserve it. Neither do you. No one should ever demean others and make them feel like they are a pointless person. Not even you to yourself. I should not make myself feel that way anymore than anyone else should make me feel that way. The way we talk to ourselves is just as powerful as the way others talk to us. Realizing this has made a huge difference for me. I was outraged that I was so mistreated as was my friend by someone. Yet how many times a day have I been telling myself I'm a loser? Well, not anymore. It is time to change and to reach my full potential. I want to be a better wife, mother, daughter, friend, cousin, you name it. In order to get there I have to believe that I have something to offer. Because I do.
So do you.
Strike a pose. You're awesome.