Monday, January 31, 2011

My Nightmare (however strange)

My mom was in town and we had just had breakfast. Then I got a call telling me that the test (you know the big one I've been waiting for . . . the endoscopy) had been rescheduled to that day. But I had already eaten and you have to fast before this test. So my mom and I talked about whether or not I should make myself throw-up my breakfast, but we decided I probably shouldn't. It had been close to 5 hours since I ate, maybe that would be enough.

When we got to the hospital they took a few preliminary x-rays of my stomach. Then the doctor walked in. She listened to the nurse tell her that I still had a golf ball sized amount of food in my stomach. The doctor looked at me and said, "I guess you'll just have to wait another 8 weeks at the least," and walked out. What?!! That was it?

The nurse took me up front to reschedule the procedure. The soonest they could get me in was October. October! Then the nurse added, "Oh, and you can't eat healthy, exercise, or do yoga until after the test." You mean the test that is 9 months away? But . . .

That's when I burst into tears. This isn't fair. I want to lose weight. I want to be healthy. I want to work out. I have a gym membership I'm paying for and need to use. I want to do yoga, maybe even teach it. I started trying to decide if it was worth it. Maybe I don't need doctors anymore. I'm going to just start doing what I know feels good.

I started looking for the doctor. I needed to know how much gluten I was expected to eat in the meantime. I found her in her office wearing a vintage hat complete with veil and feathers (like the one pictured). She was all wrapped up in white tule as well. Weird. She wouldn't speak to me, she was busy eating her lunch.

That's when I woke up. It took me a while to figure out it had been a dream and that the test is still scheduled for tomorrow (fingers crossed). What a nightmare. But now, as I look back on this dream I have to admit I'm very proud of my sub-conscious. I'm glad that it was so offended when I was told I couldn't take care of my body. I'm glad that I wanted to rebel and do what I knew was right for me. So while I'm nervous about the test tomorrow (mostly nervous they'll reschedule again), I'm happy to let you know that I'm ready to take charge and to do what is best for my body.

P.S. I've never had a doctor treat me that bad, so I don't know where that came from. And maybe doctors should start wearing fancy schmancy hats. Could be fun.

1 comment:

behoxer said...

What a crazy nightmare!!! Good luck tomorrow.