Despite the fact that this is my blog, I can tell you that I am not perfect at this healthy image thing. I want to do all the things that I'm preaching, but a person can't simply change a lifetime of habit in a few days. Today I wanted to give up. As I was sitting at the park waiting for someone to show up for yoga I began to get depressed. As the minutes ticked by and still no one showed up I started going over the reasons no one would come. Instead of thinking rationally my first thought was, "They've all visited your blog and seen how fat you are and no one wants to take yoga from a fat girl." I kept trying to drive that thought out of my head, but there it was. I came home depressed. I looked in the mirror and tried to say something nice. Nothing came to mind. I decided I didn't want to try anymore. I can't lose weight. I've been doing everything right for a week and the numbers are climbing fast. I'm tired. My body hurts so bad all the time. I just didn't want to try anymore. So I turned my attention to taking care of my son.
As I was feeding and caring for my little one I was reminded of the reason I started down this path in the first place: my children (well, child right now, hopefully children in the future). Children watch their parents and emulate that behavior. If my kids see me hating myself and not taking care of myself as I should, why on Earth would they value their own bodies and lives?
But that was just the first reason. I don't want to hurt anymore. I don't want to feel bad anymore. I want to be a better person. I want to be a happier person. I know that these things take time, even though I don't feel like they should. Honestly, there are probably a million different reasons why people didn't make it. Each of them good reasons. And even if I never ever get to teach a yoga class again, that has nothing to do with me and my personal journey.
Besides, I know that I have two amazing fans rooting for me every day and wanting me to succeed:
And these two are most definitely worth the trouble. So even though I had a huge Craft Macaroni and Cheese binge today, I will get back on the trail and continue on. We all have set backs and bad days. I am determined to make sure that every day is not like this. So, here's to seeing the glass half full.
Oh, and I will be in the park again next Tuesday just in case, unless the results of the poll I'm taking convince me to do it at another time.