Resolutely against Resolutions

Originally posted January 2, 2012

Well dear friends, welcome to 2012. It is still a little crazy to me. This year holds a lot of unknowns for me and my little family. Good unknowns, but unknowns non-the-less. I'm a planner. I struggle with not having a plan. But for some reason I am at peace with it this year. I know that whatever 2012 brings I'll get through it. I will have my family and friends. And that, my friends, is more than enough.

As the end of the year approached I started thinking about New Year's Resolutions. I'm sure the rest of you had those moments too. I have a problem with Resolutions though. Because let's be honest, the ones you hear the most about involve weight loss. I'm so sick and tired of everyone talking about the penance that they have to do come the new year for their bad behavior over the holidays. So much money is wasted on gym membership, special diet equipment, and other such hyped up stuff. All of these things are supposed to provide the magic bullet that will bring a thin physique and of course happiness. By the end of the year everyone is trying to get rid of the product they wasted so much money on via yard sale and then it all starts again.

Every time you go to the store all of the magazines in the checkout isle talk about your resolution to lose weight (because of course we are all resolved to do that, it is the universal resolution that brings mankind together. . . right?). All of the ads talk about losing weight. People post about it on Facebook and Twitter. From every single angle you get bombarded with the same idea: Resolve to lose weight now!

And I'm sick of it. So I had resolved not to resolve this year. To be honest all this diet talk can be a bit triggering for me. I've been doing my best to avoid any and all of it. I also feel that waiting until the New Year to start on something you've always wanted to start on is a little silly. Why not just start when you realize you have a goal?

But as I started thinking about 2012 I felt a little softened. Deciding to wait until the New Year may be silly, but honestly, who has time to start something new right in December. And there is something beautiful, refreshing, and hopeful about a new year. So maybe it's not that silly. But I'm still not resolving to lose weight (actually it is my goal to keep gaining for about 7 weeks, but that's a different deal).

So what do I want to accomplish in 2012? A lot. To be honest I have a lot of hopes, goals, and dreams for the year, but they aren't really worthy of being called a "resolution." I decided that this year I wanted to set just one resolution. Just one goal that would be challenging, but extremely achievable. Something that makes me happy and inspires me to improve my life in other areas. And yes, it has a everything to do with living a healthier and more balanced lifestyle.

In 2012 I am going to do a bit of yoga every. single. day.

Now, you are all aware that I'm going to have a baby in about 2 months. So I can tell you there will be days when I won't even get on my mat. I'm sure of that. But taking time to meditate, breathe, and carve out just a few minutes for myself each day is something that I need and want.

I'll be writing some about my experience here. That will help me stay on target. So here we are, January 2nd. I've done yoga 2 days in a row and am excited for the rest of the year.

Did you make resolutions this year? How do you feel about resolutions in general?

The Media Buzz

Originally posted August 18, 2011

Did you know there are a lot of interesting things going on in the body image world? I'm a little slow to jump on one. Have you heard about the article that appeared in the magazine "Glamour" by Jess Weiner called "Loving my body almost killed me." As you can imagine with a provocative title like that it has caused quite a stir among the good folks that blog along side me in favor of loving your body.

There has already been a lot said on this subject, so at the end of this post I'll refer you to the many awesome posts written in response. My response is like all the others: How can you possibly claim to love your body when you don't take care of it? From what I can tell Ms. Weiner wasn't exactly doing what she ought to be doing. She hadn't seen a doctor in years, was eating poorly, and wasn't exercising. Sounds to me like she was ignoring her body rather than loving it. But I'll let you read all the arguments to figure out what you think for yourself.

But have you seen what else has recently hit the media? Have you heard about the "Anti-Cosmetic Surgery League" that has been formed by Kate Winslet, Emma Thompson, and Rachel Weisz? How cool is this? I love that these women are taking a stance. My favorite quote from the rather small article:

"I am an actress, I don't want to freeze the expression of my face," Winslet said.

Agreed. In any profession. Why would you want to look the same forever. Have little to no expression. And as was put in the article:

Weisz said that people "who look too perfect don't look sexy or particularly beautiful."

Amen to that. Check out the article. Let's all get on board. Hooray for getting older and beauty in every stage of life.

Be sure to check out these amazing posts:

• Medicinal Marzipan, What Loving Your Body Really Means + Why it Probably Won't Kill You  
• Dances with Fat, Loving Your Body Will Not Kill You and For Health Reasons
• Adios Barbie, When Loving Your Body Goes Wrong
• Family Feeding Dynamics, Accepting and Loving Your Body Will NOT Kill You
• Body Love Wellness, On Jess Weiner and Why Loving Your Body Won’t Kill You
• The Body Positive, Loving Your Body did NOT Almost Kill You
• The Rotund, I Wore My Ranty Pants Today; Meet the New Body Hate, Same as the Old Body Hate
• Jezebel [by Kate Harding], How One Woman’s Weight Loss Story Went Awry
• iVillage, Can Body Acceptance Make You Sick
• Curvy Yoga, Why it's Hard to Believe Loving Your Body is a Good Idea
• Weightless, My Reaction To Jess Weiner's Glamour Article About Body Love Killing You

Please feel free to add more links in the comments if you know of other articles. I'd love to read them.

Objectification: no longer gender specific

It seems I hit a nerve last Friday with my discussion of the objectification of women. We all know it happens. We are all tired of it. We all want it to stop.

But here is something that we maybe don't consider as often: objectifying bodies is not limited to women. Instead of getting rid of the problem of turing women into sex symbols the problem is spreading. Men are under increasing pressure to fit an ideal standard as well.

Women are generally pressured to be ridiculously thin. We are portrayed as weak, dependent, thin. Men on the other hand need to be strong, muscular, manly, capable. There is little room for men to be anything else. Varying body types are not looked on with favor in this idealized media world. Neither are varying interests. Men are supposed to be able to fix the sink with their shirt off. No room for a guy who likes to spend his afternoon tucked in a book instead, for example.

Don't really think it's happening in the media to men as well as women? Have you seen the Old Spice ads:

Don't get me wrong, I think this particular group of commercials is hilarious, as I'm sure many of you do, but behind the humor is the objectifying once more.

There has been a recent rise in men with eating disorders, and many more who have some disordered eating. In the United States it is estimated that there are 8 million people with an eating disorder. You may be surprised to know that at least 1 million of those are male and the number is on the rise (source). There is a lot of pressure for men to have a muscular body (a body that is not attainable for many). This pressure leads to the abuse of steroids and exercise.

When I was reading up on this I found an article with this quote:

"Those who felt their bodies didn't measure up to the ideal reported that they worked out so much that weight training interfered with other parts of their lives. They also took protein supplements, were likely to report eating disorder symptoms, and thought about using steroids to enhance muscle growth."

This is not just a problem for women anymore. Another article said this:

"A 2002 study by the University of Wisconsin suggests that this new focus on fit and muscled male bodies is causing men the same anxiety and personal insecurity that women have felt for decades."


We have moved into a whole new realm in the media world. A place where men and women are portrayed as always fitting into a specific stereotype. It allows no room for diversity in any way. And we are buying into it.

So here are my thoughts: This needs to stop. So when we are teaching our sons to respect all types of women, and we are teaching our daughters to own their beauty just as they are we need to make sure we are looking at both sides of the issues. Our sons don't have to be a specific body type either. Our daughters need to be taught to respect differences in men as well as women. Sons need to know that they are amazing, handsome, and talented even if they never become a lumberjack.

Image source
Old spice image source

It's Universal

Image from here.

In one of my literature classes I remember discussing the following concept: That which is most personal is most universal. At the time it made sense, but didn't seem to apply to my life. The idea was that when we write about personal things it is more powerful than when we don't. I get it now.

I get emails and comments all the time from people telling me how much they appreciate me telling my very personal story. Then each one of these people tell me that they get it. They've been there. They feel exactly the same way. It's interesting. All of us have been held up to the measuring stick and found wanting. Each story tells about a mother who didn't care for her own body and then her children took it to an extreme level. Or of the pressure from friends to look a certain way. Or watching T.V. and feeling like you just don't have what it takes. Or. . .

Everything I share on this blog pertains to me and my particular situation. When I share quotes or findings it is because it meant something to me. It gave me an "ah ha" moment. Yet my readers seem to get those moment too.

Something else that is interesting, we have all bought into this whole image thing. As I think we have already established, it's all about money. But I believe it is more than that. I believe that now it is a culture thing. Since I have decided to attempt to stop dieting, obsessing, and otherwise body bash I have often felt left out of certain circles and conversations.

Here's the funny thing about it, from what people tell me, you all want to stop too. But we all feel peer pressure to keep going on this destructive trail. These have just been a few of my observations the last few months. It's interesting.

So, what has helped me to be okay feeling left out and to commit to this anyway? Because let's face it, sometimes it's hard to remember that I truly do want this for myself. Well, one is my child. I don't want him to ever feel like he isn't good enough. Study after study has shown that children feel about themselves the way their parents feel about their own bodies. Something else that is interesting, men have a huge influence over how girls and women feel. So if you had a father or brother who was hard on you that may have influenced you.

Back to what I was saying. My son is motivation. But even more than that, sharing my story is motivating. Getting feedback from readers is motivating. It is making a huge difference. Knowing that people are watching to see if I can pull this off is helping me so much.

I thought I'd share those motivators today because if it is helping me in my personal situation, perhaps it could help you in yours. After all, that which is most personal is most universal.

Happiness. It's a decision.

Picture taken from Chookooloonks

I recently stumbled onto this blog and have been captivated. I particularly liked this post on deciding to be happy. I think that what she has to say is really relevant and applies to what we have been talking about here on this blog. You can choose to be happy. Just like you can choose to love yourself. Granted there will always be things to cause pain and hurt. There will always be days where life gets you down, but how you choose to deal with it really is up to you.

I believe that it comes down to positive self talk. I'll admit that saying positive things in the mirror wasn't really my thing, but I think it works for some people (check out the movie at the end of this post). What I have learned is that if I talk nice to myself in my head it makes a huge difference. When I look in the mirror and starting thinking, "wow I'm fat," I have been consciously trying to instead say, "I'm getting there," or "I've got a ways to go, but I'm trying," or if nothing else "My husband loves me just as I am." It's amazing how just this small change makes a difference.

Being happy is an important goal that I have. That's why I think I'm going to take on a mini happiness project of my own. I'm going to start with a few suggestions that I found on the Chookoolonks blog.

1. Separate myself from the media. But instead of separating myself from the news (which I already do to some extent) I'm going to be separating myself from all those ads and things that tell me how I should look. I don't have to buy into it anymore. I may be just one person, but I'm boycotting it anyway.

2. Journaling. I need to journal more. I love doing it. It is just time consuming. I often use my blogs as a journal, but I want to do more than that. I'm going to try to fit that in somewhere.

3. Read more. I love, love, love, love, love to read! It's hard to read when you're a working mom, but I need to do it. Even if it is just reading to my son.

4. Start a Life List. I'm super excited about this one. I've done several before, but never really done a good one. You can read more about creating your own life list here.

We can all use more happiness in our lives. Even if you are already a happy person, I feel like there is always room for more. Going through life in a mist of self imposed misery is just not worth it.

Guest Blogger: Objectifying Ourselves

I'm excited to introduce Sarah. Sarah and I were in the same yoga teacher certification class. She is an inspiration to me. She used to struggle with a lot of the same body image issues that I struggle with, but she has overcome them. She is inspiring. You can read more from Sarah at her blog Claim the Gift. I think that what Sarah has to say tied right in with my rant on magazines. I think that she has hit the nail right on the head. Enjoy!

I often hear women complain about how the media portrays women, how it distorts reality and how we are really supposed to look, how because of the media we all have body image problems. I agree. To a certain extent. It's true that a lot of what the media teaches us is wrong. But we need to look closer to home in order to see where the problem truly lies. The media does this because it sells. The media gets away with it because we believe them.

We like to think that we really are supposed to look a certain way. That's why we buy the right clothes, the anti-wrinkle creams, the diet books, the beauty magazines. Or if we don't invest in this idea with our pocketbooks, we still do it in our conversations with others and with ourselves. Think about it, how often do you hear women you know and love (yourself included perhaps?) talk about dieting or losing weight, talk badly about their body, or even just refuse to pose for pictures? How often do we place our own self-worth in our appearance? We say it's sick how the media objectifies women, but here we are, treating our own bodies like objects, rather than a part of our own souls (as a Mormon, I have been taught that your soul is your spirit AND your body together), a part that needs love and nourishment just as much as the rest of you.

Every time a woman puts herself down for what she sees in a mirror or a photograph, she is objectifying herself just as much as those who feel the need to flaunt their bodies in public.

Your body is a part of you. And an important part. We often treat ourselves as separate pieces. I have a spirit. I have a mind. I have a body. We like to disconnect all the parts, right? It makes everything seem so much more convenient. Because then we think we can avoid accountability with ourselves. In reality, the way you treat one part of you affects the other parts of you. So, when you objectify your own body, you are hurting your spirit and your mind.

Try today to think of your body as a part of who you are. It is not an object. It does not define who you are. Just like your mind and your spirit, it is going to change every day. If you can think of it as a part of who you are (not this thing you are stuck in), it gets easier to get to know it from the inside out. Rather than letting a mirror or a picture tell you about your body, let your body teach you. What sensations do you feel as you move around cleaning the house, playing outside, exercising, or as you eat your meals?

It's just as important to know these things as it is to know what books you like to read, or what things make you laugh or cry. These things are also a part of who you are.

I know that as you get to know your body from the inside out, you will have a harder time actually treating your body as an object. It will teach you how it needs to be treated. You'll learn that it is a glorious gift that not only deserves your respect, but your love as well. You'll feel more like a whole person and living life will be a richer experience for you.