Resolutely against Resolutions

Originally posted January 2, 2012

Well dear friends, welcome to 2012. It is still a little crazy to me. This year holds a lot of unknowns for me and my little family. Good unknowns, but unknowns non-the-less. I'm a planner. I struggle with not having a plan. But for some reason I am at peace with it this year. I know that whatever 2012 brings I'll get through it. I will have my family and friends. And that, my friends, is more than enough.

As the end of the year approached I started thinking about New Year's Resolutions. I'm sure the rest of you had those moments too. I have a problem with Resolutions though. Because let's be honest, the ones you hear the most about involve weight loss. I'm so sick and tired of everyone talking about the penance that they have to do come the new year for their bad behavior over the holidays. So much money is wasted on gym membership, special diet equipment, and other such hyped up stuff. All of these things are supposed to provide the magic bullet that will bring a thin physique and of course happiness. By the end of the year everyone is trying to get rid of the product they wasted so much money on via yard sale and then it all starts again.

Every time you go to the store all of the magazines in the checkout isle talk about your resolution to lose weight (because of course we are all resolved to do that, it is the universal resolution that brings mankind together. . . right?). All of the ads talk about losing weight. People post about it on Facebook and Twitter. From every single angle you get bombarded with the same idea: Resolve to lose weight now!

And I'm sick of it. So I had resolved not to resolve this year. To be honest all this diet talk can be a bit triggering for me. I've been doing my best to avoid any and all of it. I also feel that waiting until the New Year to start on something you've always wanted to start on is a little silly. Why not just start when you realize you have a goal?

But as I started thinking about 2012 I felt a little softened. Deciding to wait until the New Year may be silly, but honestly, who has time to start something new right in December. And there is something beautiful, refreshing, and hopeful about a new year. So maybe it's not that silly. But I'm still not resolving to lose weight (actually it is my goal to keep gaining for about 7 weeks, but that's a different deal).

So what do I want to accomplish in 2012? A lot. To be honest I have a lot of hopes, goals, and dreams for the year, but they aren't really worthy of being called a "resolution." I decided that this year I wanted to set just one resolution. Just one goal that would be challenging, but extremely achievable. Something that makes me happy and inspires me to improve my life in other areas. And yes, it has a everything to do with living a healthier and more balanced lifestyle.

In 2012 I am going to do a bit of yoga every. single. day.

Now, you are all aware that I'm going to have a baby in about 2 months. So I can tell you there will be days when I won't even get on my mat. I'm sure of that. But taking time to meditate, breathe, and carve out just a few minutes for myself each day is something that I need and want.

I'll be writing some about my experience here. That will help me stay on target. So here we are, January 2nd. I've done yoga 2 days in a row and am excited for the rest of the year.

Did you make resolutions this year? How do you feel about resolutions in general?

Celebrate movement and beauty

Originally posted September 12, 2011

I took my morning constitutional today. What a beautiful day. September has given way to cooler temperatures. I no longer start sweating the second I step out my front door. What a relief. It rained last night and everything smelled fresh. Some of the leaves are beginning to turn. It makes me so happy. I love fall. Gardens are being harvested, flowers are still out in full beauty, and everything just seems calmer while we wait for nature to move forward. I had the majestic mountains that I love so much to one side of me, and a gorgeous view of the valley and the lake beyond on the other. Life was good. Above us some very loud birds caught our attention as they soared through the air. Cormac leaned clear back in his stroller, looked up, and whispered under his breath "wow." I couldn't agree more. Wow.

But I wasn't just enjoying nature this morning. I was enjoying the feel of the pavement and dirt roads beneath my feet. I love to walk. It makes me happy. I love looking at the scenery. I love seeing new neighborhoods. I love, love, love looking at the houses that surround me. I walked 3.5 to 4 miles today. How blessed I am that I can do that. I'm on Cloud 9 already because I felt this little baby move for the first time yesterday. How incredible, not only can my body walk and move, but I'm blessed to have a little person growing inside of me. What is there not to rejoice about?

Let's switch gears for just a second. Don't worry, I'll bring us full circle. Did you know that this month is National Yoga Month! (Who makes this stuff up? Do you know? I sure don't, but I'm going with it anyway.) As a fan of yoga I am naturally excited about it. Let me tell you a bit about me and yoga. I came to yoga out of desperation. My body was in constant, unexplained pain and I had heard yoga could help. So I got a DVD and gave it a shot. It was so very hard. I couldn't reach my toes. Downward Dog was the hardest thing I had ever done. I couldn't hold it for more than a few short breaths. But after each practice my pain would ease up and I would have a few minutes of beautiful relief. So I kept at it. I was amazed that within just a couple of short weeks I could touch my toes with ease. Downward Dog took more time to feel comfortable (and is still a challenging pose for me thanks to my weak and inflexible shoulders). But what was exciting was what I could do. And how fast my body adapted to yoga. It was like we were made for each other. My body wanted yoga, craved it, and responded well when I would practice. It was love.

It makes me sad when I hear people say they can't do yoga because they aren't this, that, or the other. They are missing the point. Yoga has never been about what you can't do. Yoga is a celebration of what the body can do. So maybe you can't turn yourself into a pretzel, but you can do a beautiful headstand. There are so many possibilities with yoga. And your body changes with each practice. With each practice you can do a little more. Your body wants it. And it's a beautiful and amazing thing to celebrate the things that our bodies can do.

As I was walking this morning I was thinking about how boring the world would be if it were all mountains or all plains. But it isn't. It is diverse and beautiful. And it should be celebrated. The Earth i s a gift that we've been given from God. It should be celebrated. But how much more should we be celebrating our bodies. They are different, diverse, and oh so beautiful. They are gifts from God. Special gifts that He constructed just for us. Each is unique. Each has its own abilities. And each is beautiful and needed.

So celebrate that beautiful body this month. Move in a way that makes you feel fantastic. Try some yoga and this time don't you dare look at your neighbor or the person on your screen to compare what you look like with them. No. Instead acknowledge the greatness that is your own body and movements. You are beautiful. Take a few minutes to celebrate that.

The Media Buzz

Originally posted August 18, 2011

Did you know there are a lot of interesting things going on in the body image world? I'm a little slow to jump on one. Have you heard about the article that appeared in the magazine "Glamour" by Jess Weiner called "Loving my body almost killed me." As you can imagine with a provocative title like that it has caused quite a stir among the good folks that blog along side me in favor of loving your body.

There has already been a lot said on this subject, so at the end of this post I'll refer you to the many awesome posts written in response. My response is like all the others: How can you possibly claim to love your body when you don't take care of it? From what I can tell Ms. Weiner wasn't exactly doing what she ought to be doing. She hadn't seen a doctor in years, was eating poorly, and wasn't exercising. Sounds to me like she was ignoring her body rather than loving it. But I'll let you read all the arguments to figure out what you think for yourself.

But have you seen what else has recently hit the media? Have you heard about the "Anti-Cosmetic Surgery League" that has been formed by Kate Winslet, Emma Thompson, and Rachel Weisz? How cool is this? I love that these women are taking a stance. My favorite quote from the rather small article:

"I am an actress, I don't want to freeze the expression of my face," Winslet said.

Agreed. In any profession. Why would you want to look the same forever. Have little to no expression. And as was put in the article:

Weisz said that people "who look too perfect don't look sexy or particularly beautiful."

Amen to that. Check out the article. Let's all get on board. Hooray for getting older and beauty in every stage of life.

Be sure to check out these amazing posts:

• Medicinal Marzipan, What Loving Your Body Really Means + Why it Probably Won't Kill You  
• Dances with Fat, Loving Your Body Will Not Kill You and For Health Reasons
• Adios Barbie, When Loving Your Body Goes Wrong
• Family Feeding Dynamics, Accepting and Loving Your Body Will NOT Kill You
• Body Love Wellness, On Jess Weiner and Why Loving Your Body Won’t Kill You
• The Body Positive, Loving Your Body did NOT Almost Kill You
• The Rotund, I Wore My Ranty Pants Today; Meet the New Body Hate, Same as the Old Body Hate
• Jezebel [by Kate Harding], How One Woman’s Weight Loss Story Went Awry
• iVillage, Can Body Acceptance Make You Sick
• Curvy Yoga, Why it's Hard to Believe Loving Your Body is a Good Idea
• Weightless, My Reaction To Jess Weiner's Glamour Article About Body Love Killing You

Please feel free to add more links in the comments if you know of other articles. I'd love to read them.

The different faces of health

Originally posted June 28, 2011

 I have been ruminating over the fact that "health" looks different on every person. Just like no two people look the same, no two healthy lifestyles look the same. Sometimes we get caught up in the idea that the healthy way we live is the healthy way everyone should live, but this isn't necessarily the case.

Take for example napping during the day. There are some who simply function better with a nap. Pregnant women, for example, often need that extra sleep to keep them going. This is not to say that it is lazy or unhealthy in these people. No, they just need a nap. But in someone else needing a nap to get through the day could be a sign of serious illness or depression.

One of the best examples I can think of is water intake. While I think it is true that most of us (me included) do not drink nearly enough water (not diet soda folks, water) I do not think that the recommended 8 glasses of 8 oz is necessarily true for everyone. There are some individuals who probably don't need as much. And I know for a fact that some people need much more (especially those working outside in the hot summer sun).

There is really no "one size fits all" when it comes to everything about health. A vegetarian or vegan lifestyle might be incredibly healthy for some, but others might be using that lifestyle as a form of restriction fueling an eating disorder they have yet to address.  We are often quick to judge when someone does something we disagree with, but who's to say that for that individual eating meat isn't exactly what their body needs in order to thrive? Oh I agree there are things that are clearly unhealthy and things that are clearly more healthy than others. But on a large scale perspective do we really have a right to judge the health of another person because they choose differently than we do in a few areas?

Size is the biggest debate for most when it comes to health. We see a curvy woman and assume that she never exercises, eats potato chips, drinks soda, and has simply given up trying to be healthy. But this is an unfair judgement. Sure there are folks out there that fit this description, but there are a lot of skinny people who could also be categorized as such. No, there are many fantastic curvy people who are leaps and bounds above some of their thinner peers on the health scale.

I guess the point I'm trying to make is that our health is entirely personal. No one should tell us what is and isn't best for our bodies. Doctors can make suggestions. We can read the books on good nutrition. We can learn how to move our bodies to exercise that we enjoy from a teacher or instructor. But none of these resources (who are likely just trying to help) live in your body. None of them knows that after running or doing heavy cardio you get migraines and can't see straight for the rest of the day. None of them gets that you aren't being lazy by taking a nap; your body just requires more rest than the average person. You are the only one that knows what feels good and what doesn't.

It's time to stop looking around to figure out what is healthy. It's time to start turning inward and asking your body what it wants and needs. Trust me, it knows. With a little practice you'll be able to figure it out, and your life will be more full and much more healthy because of it.

Forever Fabulous

Originally published June 24, 2011

I bought a new shirt this week. I loved the way it made me feel in the dressing room. I love the style of the shirt. I love the material. As I stood there in the dressing room I felt cute. Maybe even a little sleek. In a word I felt fabulous. I bought it.

Later I was wearing this same shirt and caught a glimpse of myself in some full length doors, and it happened. I had a bit of a panic when I saw that maybe this shirt wasn't the most flattering for my specific body type. A little self-doubt crept in. Maybe I had no business wearing such a shirt.

As I thought about it later I decided that I was being ridiculous. Didn't the shirt make me feel fabulous? Then if I felt fabulous in the shirt I must be fabulous. Think about it. If you see someone wearing something that obviously makes them feel good don't you think they exude confidence? I think they do. They do, indeed, look amazing. Their self-confidence is evident, and beautiful.

We do this a lot. At least I do. I can wake up one morning, look in the mirror, and think, "not bad," or even, "looking good." But then instead of  letting myself feel fantastic I go jump on my scale. What could have been a wonderful day where I felt great about myself gets destroyed by my needing some outside validation. And here's the thing, the numbers on the scale are actually getting smaller, but it is very slow and sustained (you know, the healthy way to lose weight), but because the scale doesn't show a significant drop off I start to feel down. And frankly it can be triggering for me. As soon as I step on the scale I start wondering if I should indeed go on another diet. Maybe the newest fad would work for me. Or maybe I should start working out long hours during the day.

By the end of the day I have usually talked myself out of these things with the realization that I am so much happier when I eat intuitively. I feel good about myself when I move my body in ways that I enjoy; rather than punishing myself on a treadmill. No, it's not worth it. But I sometimes waste a whole day reminding myself.

So I have made a decision (I think). I think it's time to throw the scale out. I mean all the way out. I want to do it. But I'm still a little chicken. Then I remember that the next time my husband pays me a compliment I want to just feel great for the day. I don't want to use it as an excuse to step on the scale just to see if what he says is reflected in numbers. Yes, I think it's time for the scale to go. And I think it's time for me to only wear what makes me feel great as opposed to what I'm "supposed" to wear for my body type. Because there is no reason I can't feel fabulous every single day. You on board?

Objectification: no longer gender specific

It seems I hit a nerve last Friday with my discussion of the objectification of women. We all know it happens. We are all tired of it. We all want it to stop.

But here is something that we maybe don't consider as often: objectifying bodies is not limited to women. Instead of getting rid of the problem of turing women into sex symbols the problem is spreading. Men are under increasing pressure to fit an ideal standard as well.

Women are generally pressured to be ridiculously thin. We are portrayed as weak, dependent, thin. Men on the other hand need to be strong, muscular, manly, capable. There is little room for men to be anything else. Varying body types are not looked on with favor in this idealized media world. Neither are varying interests. Men are supposed to be able to fix the sink with their shirt off. No room for a guy who likes to spend his afternoon tucked in a book instead, for example.

Don't really think it's happening in the media to men as well as women? Have you seen the Old Spice ads:

Don't get me wrong, I think this particular group of commercials is hilarious, as I'm sure many of you do, but behind the humor is the objectifying once more.

There has been a recent rise in men with eating disorders, and many more who have some disordered eating. In the United States it is estimated that there are 8 million people with an eating disorder. You may be surprised to know that at least 1 million of those are male and the number is on the rise (source). There is a lot of pressure for men to have a muscular body (a body that is not attainable for many). This pressure leads to the abuse of steroids and exercise.

When I was reading up on this I found an article with this quote:

"Those who felt their bodies didn't measure up to the ideal reported that they worked out so much that weight training interfered with other parts of their lives. They also took protein supplements, were likely to report eating disorder symptoms, and thought about using steroids to enhance muscle growth."

This is not just a problem for women anymore. Another article said this:

"A 2002 study by the University of Wisconsin suggests that this new focus on fit and muscled male bodies is causing men the same anxiety and personal insecurity that women have felt for decades."


We have moved into a whole new realm in the media world. A place where men and women are portrayed as always fitting into a specific stereotype. It allows no room for diversity in any way. And we are buying into it.

So here are my thoughts: This needs to stop. So when we are teaching our sons to respect all types of women, and we are teaching our daughters to own their beauty just as they are we need to make sure we are looking at both sides of the issues. Our sons don't have to be a specific body type either. Our daughters need to be taught to respect differences in men as well as women. Sons need to know that they are amazing, handsome, and talented even if they never become a lumberjack.

Image source
Old spice image source

Accepting that my buns will never be steel

Image Source

I bought a gym membership because my doctor thought it would be a good idea for me to start swimming. I have a horrible back. It has gotten to the level of constant pain (on a side note, I think this could be helped with yoga, but I'm so busy, so so busy that I usually only get in about 30 minutes of yoga a day). I walked into the gym and instantly felt bad about myself.

For the next few weeks I worked out every day. Sometimes twice a day. I just knew that if I worked out hard enough in no time I would look like the girls I imagined were shunning me. I ignored the sore feelings all over my body. The ones that made it difficult to life up my baby boy. I even imagined my back was getting better (it was not).

Cormac was allowed to stay in the day care for 90 minutes. I felt that I had to work hard the entire hour and a half. If I went to an hour long class that left 30 minutes for some self punishing. But some days I was so so tired. But if I couldn't do the work outs I would never be able to change. And I would be a failure. How hard could it be? Other people did it.

But after a series of horrible ear infections that Cormac managed to get every single time I'd take him to the day care we decided to take some time off. I think that's when I realized how incredibly burned out I was. Working out was awful. I hated it. I just wanted to lay around and never move again.

I tried going back to the gym a few times, but I would usually give up after a few days. It was too hard.

Yes, it's safe to say that sometimes I am hypocritical. I tell you all about how I'm trying to love my body where it is, but then I would go to the gym for a punishing 90 minutes after which I'd put the baby down for a nap and do at least another 30 minutes at home. But the only thing I was gaining was more and more injuries. And I really wasn't losing much weight, if any. I stop abusing food to abuse exercise. When I'm not abusing either of those I move on to money or obsessive house cleaning.

Learning to love yourself is hard work. For me learning all the different things I do to hide from dealing with my insecurities has been particularly difficult.

But I digress.

So I had stopped going to the gym or working out at all. But one day it was warm out. And sunny. And oh how I want Spring. So I put my little one in his stroller and out we went. It felt good. As I walked I started tuning in to my body. I loved the way it felt to walk and move. I realized how much I truly love to walk. Moving my body didn't have to be all punishment.

I finally decided to go back to a kick boxing class one day. After the class I would go home. No guilt over the last 30 minutes I didn't spend working out. That evening I did a nice 15 minute relaxing yoga routine to stretch out after the class and help avoid the aching in my body. I felt great.

I've come to the realization that little things add up. Getting a little physical activity in each day is  far more beneficial to my health than killing myself for a few days/weeks in a row then taking a few months to recover.

So even though I may never have buns of steel (who wants to sit on steel anyway?) I can have an incredibly healthy heart and enjoy my body.

On shaved legs and bed sheets

I love the Self-Discovery Word by Word series that Ashley from Nourishing the Soul is doing. So I thought I'd jump on board. Why not? But then I heard what this month's word was, and I wasn't sure I would be able to do it. The word is Pleasure.

My knee-jerk reaction when I hear the word pleasure is that it is something bad. Something to be avoided. Pleasure. It just sounds so . . . dirty. It makes me think of over-indulgence and prostitution. Things I'm anti. It's a funny thing, but the word Pleasure has really gotten a bad wrap. When I asked my husband his thoughts he confessed that his first thoughts were along the same lines as mine.

But I've been thinking about this for a good week now and have done some reading. The day that I found out about this series and the word for February my Yoga Journal arrived (thanks to the fundraising efforts of my dear nephew, Braeden). Guess what was on the cover? A headline that read "Pleasure as a path to your Self." I immediately flipped to page 53. While there were many wonderful things Sally Kempton said in the article this part stood out more than anything:

"From a mystical point of view, your capacity for enjoyment is the signature of the inherent blissfulness of creation. From the point of view of brain science, you are wired for pleasure. The pleasure centers are located in the midbrain . . . and are designed to fire in response to stimuli that ensure your physical survival. . . In healthy cycles, the higher brain chooses pleasures that are good for the survival of the individual and the greater community. In unhealthy cycles, however, the system can get hijacked by imbalances, whether genetic, stress induced, or chemical. This is what happens in our stress-loaded society, where so many of us are conditioned to take pleasure in junk food, drugs, and forms of entertainment that are ultimately bad for our well-being and the well-being of our community, not to mention the planet. But the body's natural tendency is to treat pleasure as a signal that you're on the right track (emphasis added, from the March 2011 ed.)."


Shall we break it down? Okay, first of all we are designed to have pleasure. How beautiful is that sentence: "your capacity for enjoyment is the signature of the inherent blissfulness of creation." Makes me shudder. (I take great pleasure in language as beautiful as this.) Our pleasure center was designed to reward us for taking care of ourselves. But in today's world that pleasure center has been destroyed and now we see pleasure as a bad thing. We don't trust our bodies anymore and thus take pleasure in things that are destructive.

The good news is that we can take back our pleasure center. We don't have to be "hijacked." And this subject of taking back pleasure has been where my mind has been dwelling the last few days. First off, I feel it is important that we eat intuitively. We must honor our body. Trust our body. No more dieting and eating only foods we have labeled as "good." Then we should allow ourselves to get in tune with what we actually take pleasure in.

Why is this so important? Let's take exercise for example. If you do not find pleasure in an activity you will never stick with it. (So that's why my efforts to be a marathoner have failed.) But when you find a form of exercise be it running, walking, yoga, gardening, or chasing children, and you take pleasure in that activity suddenly you find yourself motivated to continue. But wait, I can't burn as many calories taking a walk as I can running? True. However, if you only run for a few days then give up altogether doesn't that defeat the purpose? Whereas you may stick with a daily walk for years.

Our bodies are wired to find pleasure. That poor word has taken a beating. It's time to take it back. It's time to find pleasure in life, and especially in the little things. For me? Well, I think the closest thing to Heaven is a pair of freshly shaved legs sliding in between newly laundered sheets that are pulled nice and tight. Life doesn't get much more pleasurable than that, and there is nothing awful in a pair of clean sheets.

Weekly Challenge

Wow! I don't know about you, but it seems to me that summer took forever to get here. Now that it's here I feel like we're making up for lost time and desperately trying to get in all our summer before it's too late. Just to review, last week we put away our scales and measuring tapes, then we decided that we were going to work out just for the sake of working out and see how it made us feel. I was so excited about last week's challenge, and then I got busy. So busy, in fact that I only worked out once last week. Instead I spent my time changing this:

Into this:

Yes, there is still a ton of work to be done, but this is one project that I have been working on since March, and I'm so excited that I have gotten it to this point. Then we went camping with our neighbors. It was a wonderful time, but exercise fell by the wayside.

I am happy to report that despite my lack of exercising. I did take the time to put my scale away. It was wonderful that way. Last week was. At one point my dear husband told me he thought I was looking a bit slimmer. Instead of rushing off to my measuring tape like I normally do I just enjoyed the moment. I was able to feel good about myself. No pressure. No disappointment. It was great.

So, that brings me to this week. I would like to invite you all to keep your scales in the closet for another week. I think that they can often be a problem and we just don't need that right now. So, keep them hidden. I would like you to join me for another week of exercise for exercise sake. Just because. Let's keep up on that. If you did the challenge I would love it if you would share your experience with me as well. I'm very curious to know how it went. I will be doing it this week for sure to see for myself, but please don't hesitate to share your experience, I would really love to know. It is motivating.

In case you were thinking we were getting off easy I'm adding another dimension to this week's challenge as well. We have focused on our physical bodies a lot the last few weeks which I think is important, but now I feel it is time to move on to something else. This week when you get a compliment you need to take it. That's right, no arguing back. Even with people close to you. Just say thank you and enjoy.