Resolutely against Resolutions

Originally posted January 2, 2012

Well dear friends, welcome to 2012. It is still a little crazy to me. This year holds a lot of unknowns for me and my little family. Good unknowns, but unknowns non-the-less. I'm a planner. I struggle with not having a plan. But for some reason I am at peace with it this year. I know that whatever 2012 brings I'll get through it. I will have my family and friends. And that, my friends, is more than enough.

As the end of the year approached I started thinking about New Year's Resolutions. I'm sure the rest of you had those moments too. I have a problem with Resolutions though. Because let's be honest, the ones you hear the most about involve weight loss. I'm so sick and tired of everyone talking about the penance that they have to do come the new year for their bad behavior over the holidays. So much money is wasted on gym membership, special diet equipment, and other such hyped up stuff. All of these things are supposed to provide the magic bullet that will bring a thin physique and of course happiness. By the end of the year everyone is trying to get rid of the product they wasted so much money on via yard sale and then it all starts again.

Every time you go to the store all of the magazines in the checkout isle talk about your resolution to lose weight (because of course we are all resolved to do that, it is the universal resolution that brings mankind together. . . right?). All of the ads talk about losing weight. People post about it on Facebook and Twitter. From every single angle you get bombarded with the same idea: Resolve to lose weight now!

And I'm sick of it. So I had resolved not to resolve this year. To be honest all this diet talk can be a bit triggering for me. I've been doing my best to avoid any and all of it. I also feel that waiting until the New Year to start on something you've always wanted to start on is a little silly. Why not just start when you realize you have a goal?

But as I started thinking about 2012 I felt a little softened. Deciding to wait until the New Year may be silly, but honestly, who has time to start something new right in December. And there is something beautiful, refreshing, and hopeful about a new year. So maybe it's not that silly. But I'm still not resolving to lose weight (actually it is my goal to keep gaining for about 7 weeks, but that's a different deal).

So what do I want to accomplish in 2012? A lot. To be honest I have a lot of hopes, goals, and dreams for the year, but they aren't really worthy of being called a "resolution." I decided that this year I wanted to set just one resolution. Just one goal that would be challenging, but extremely achievable. Something that makes me happy and inspires me to improve my life in other areas. And yes, it has a everything to do with living a healthier and more balanced lifestyle.

In 2012 I am going to do a bit of yoga every. single. day.

Now, you are all aware that I'm going to have a baby in about 2 months. So I can tell you there will be days when I won't even get on my mat. I'm sure of that. But taking time to meditate, breathe, and carve out just a few minutes for myself each day is something that I need and want.

I'll be writing some about my experience here. That will help me stay on target. So here we are, January 2nd. I've done yoga 2 days in a row and am excited for the rest of the year.

Did you make resolutions this year? How do you feel about resolutions in general?

Forever Fabulous

Originally published June 24, 2011

I bought a new shirt this week. I loved the way it made me feel in the dressing room. I love the style of the shirt. I love the material. As I stood there in the dressing room I felt cute. Maybe even a little sleek. In a word I felt fabulous. I bought it.

Later I was wearing this same shirt and caught a glimpse of myself in some full length doors, and it happened. I had a bit of a panic when I saw that maybe this shirt wasn't the most flattering for my specific body type. A little self-doubt crept in. Maybe I had no business wearing such a shirt.

As I thought about it later I decided that I was being ridiculous. Didn't the shirt make me feel fabulous? Then if I felt fabulous in the shirt I must be fabulous. Think about it. If you see someone wearing something that obviously makes them feel good don't you think they exude confidence? I think they do. They do, indeed, look amazing. Their self-confidence is evident, and beautiful.

We do this a lot. At least I do. I can wake up one morning, look in the mirror, and think, "not bad," or even, "looking good." But then instead of  letting myself feel fantastic I go jump on my scale. What could have been a wonderful day where I felt great about myself gets destroyed by my needing some outside validation. And here's the thing, the numbers on the scale are actually getting smaller, but it is very slow and sustained (you know, the healthy way to lose weight), but because the scale doesn't show a significant drop off I start to feel down. And frankly it can be triggering for me. As soon as I step on the scale I start wondering if I should indeed go on another diet. Maybe the newest fad would work for me. Or maybe I should start working out long hours during the day.

By the end of the day I have usually talked myself out of these things with the realization that I am so much happier when I eat intuitively. I feel good about myself when I move my body in ways that I enjoy; rather than punishing myself on a treadmill. No, it's not worth it. But I sometimes waste a whole day reminding myself.

So I have made a decision (I think). I think it's time to throw the scale out. I mean all the way out. I want to do it. But I'm still a little chicken. Then I remember that the next time my husband pays me a compliment I want to just feel great for the day. I don't want to use it as an excuse to step on the scale just to see if what he says is reflected in numbers. Yes, I think it's time for the scale to go. And I think it's time for me to only wear what makes me feel great as opposed to what I'm "supposed" to wear for my body type. Because there is no reason I can't feel fabulous every single day. You on board?

The scale will not be my master anymore

Yesterday I finally broke down and went down to the doctor. I was really dizzy. My ears were drumming. So I had my husband drive me (rather than endanger the world with my dizzy driving).

As is the custom of doctor's offices I needed to stand on a scale at the beginning of the appointment. I have been very careful to avoid scales for the last few weeks. I have been trying to turn my attention to how my body feels, rather than how it looks.

I thought about stepping on backward. Then I would never know. . . but then there is a part of me that is still concerned with such things as weight. So I didn't. Besides. I was confident that the numbers would read lower than they did the last time I was on a scale.

They weren't lower.

And I had a moment of panic. For one fleeting moment I thought I should start a new diet. Summer is around the corner, how can I take my son to the pool without first dropping some weight? How can I successfully instruct yoga without losing some weight? How can I be a good wife if I don't lose some weight?

For one moment I thought of all the things that I could do to drop weight. I could set up some rules. Restrict certain foods. Exercise more (aka kill myself at the gym).

But the moment was rather fleeting. It passed quickly. And I realized that I didn't want to step back in to that lifestyle.

The most exciting part? I shrugged off my weight like it didn't matter. I had my moment of "oh no" and then moved on. I sent myself some love. Said it was okay that I wasn't dropping pounds left and right. I acknowledged that I felt thinner (I have lost inches even if I haven't lost pounds). But more than feeling thinner, I felt healthier than I have in a while (other than my exploding ear drums that is).

Ladies and gentlemen, I had a break though moment. A moment where I observed myself exactly where I am and decided that I am enough. Nothing needs to change. I'm okay with being me, and I'm okay with where being me is at right now.

So it is possible. Learning to love ourselves. I'm happy to say that I think I'm getting it down finally. Because I'm beautiful just the way I am. And I deserve love. So do you.

Enjoy Now

Image taken from here.

I wanted to share a little of what I have been reading from The Happiness Project. This really hit home to me the other day:

"As I worked, and especially when I was pushing myself to do things that made me slightly uncomfortable, I kept reminding myself of my resolution to 'Enjoy now.' As a writer, I often found myself imagining some happy future: 'When I sell this proposal. . . ' or 'When this book comes out. . . '
     "In his book Happier, Tal Ben-Shahar describes the 'arrival fallacy,' the belief that when you arrive at a certain destination, you'll be happy (. . .) The arrival fallacy is a fallacy because, though you may anticipate great happiness in arrival, arriving rarely makes you as happy as you anticipate.
     "First of all, by the time you've arrived at your destination, you're expecting to reach it, so it has already been incorporated into your happiness. Also, arrival often brings more work and responsibility. It's rare to achieve something (other than winning an award) that brings unadulterated pleasure without added concerns. Having a baby. Getting a promotion. Buying a house. You look forward to reaching these destinations, but once you've reached them, they bring emotions other than sheer happiness. And of course, arriving at one goal usually reveals another, yet more challenging goal. Publishing the first book means it's time to start the second. There's another hill to climb. The challenge, therefore, is to take pleasure in the 'atmosphere of growth,' in the gradual progress made toward goal, in the present. The unpoetic name for this very powerful source of happiness is 'pre-goal-attainment positive affect.'"

As I read this it brought another thought to my mind: I keep thinking that once I get back to a size _ I'll finally be happy. Realistically, I was never happy when I was that size to begin with. If I can't learn to love myself where I am at, what makes me think that when I do finally get to whatever size I will be satisfied? There will always be something. Especially now that I've had a baby. I may eventually lose all the weight, but there is a good chance that I will always have extra skin around my mid-section thanks to the great stretching acts I performed so recently.

But more than just the whole losing weight thing, I think it needs to go deeper than that. I always find fault. I always think that I'll be happier once this zit goes away, or once my hair finally grows out, or once my eyebrows are waxed, or. . . The list just goes on, and on, and on. Truth be told, there will always be something. And let's face it people, we aren't exactly getting younger. Living in a world where we try to will our bodies into being like they were when we were 18 is unrealistic. It simply sets us up for a lifetime of disappointment and unhappiness.

So, when I look in the mirror it is my goal to start seeing at least one thing I'm happy with. Maybe if I can start seeing one thing I like and build up from there I will no longer see all the things that bother me. I don't even notice other people's imperfections most of the time. What makes me think that I'm so special that everyone else will obviously notice mine? And if nobody else is noticing my imperfections shouldn't I cut myself a little slack? After all, we only get this one life. Better enjoy every minute of it now because there is no going back.

Weekly Challenge

So I didn't make it 6 days of working out last week. I only did 4. But one of the days I didn't workout I was painting a house. Another day I didn't workout I spent a good chunk of the day lifting heavy boxes and bags, so I guess I feel like I did a pretty fair job.

Here is what I learned through last week and what I would like to do for this week's challenge; working out to lose weight does not work. I know that sounds strange, but trust me on this a little. If you are working out with a weight loss goal in mind chances are you will eventually give up in despair. Not always, but sometimes. If you do reach your goal you will then feel as though you no longer need to workout. I know this is not always the case, but I think it often is. Between my experience last week and what I've been reading this week I believe that working out to lose weight does not work.

Last week I weighed myself every day! Every. Single. Day. People, this is not healthy. Sometimes I weighed myself more than once in a day just to see how it fluctuated. Not good. On Friday I was so sad that I hadn't lost weight. I had no expectations for myself that day. I went to my yoga class like that. It was the most amazing class I have been to in a long time. I did things I know I couldn't have done a few weeks ago. It was exhilarating, and I loved it. I came away from that class pondering what was so unique about that day versus the others. What I have concluded is this: working out in order to be healthy and to enjoy working out for it's own sake is wonderful. It is motivating. It is healthy. It is fun!

Have you guessed where I'm going yet? Well, here it is. I want you to STOP working out to lose weight. That's right. I do not want you to stop working out. This week we are going to try to move our bodies at least 4 or 5 days this week. But there is no time we are going for. No huge goal. What we are going for is listening to our bodies. When you begin your workout see how you feel. During your workout listen to your body. If you feel good, push yourself. If you are tired then stop. Or change activities. Just listen to your body. How do you feel after your workout and later in the day? Do what makes you feel good. And most of all rejoice in what you can do. Because you can do a lot.

Oh, and the other thing is that we are putting our scales away. That's right, no more weighing or measuring for a few weeks. Not forever. Just for the time being. Put them in the attic, garage, basement, wherever you can to get them off of your mind. The focus is not on weight at all. Give up on that. Forget about it. Just enjoy being you and being where you are now.

I'm so looking forward to this week's challenge. I hope you will all join me. I think that I have made a huge break through and I hope that others can experience it also. How'd you do last week?

P.S. I'm still planning on working toward my marathon, but this time it is to fulfill a life goal I've had, not to lose weight. So much more motivating.

Amen

I grabbed this article from babycenter.com. All I can add is a loud resounding Amen.

Let’s stop obsessing about our post-pregnancy weight

Posted by Kimberly Seals Allers in Uncategorized | June 3rd, 2010 | Trackback

I gotta admit, I’ve been trying to lose the same last 10 baby pounds for some time now. And my “baby” recently turned six years old! But I really don’t understand those women with three-week-old babies who complain about not being able to squeeze into their skinny jeans yet. Seriously!

Then there are horror stories of women crash-dieting before pregnancy so they start pregnancy at a lower weight. Yikes! What is up with us and our body image issues? And those celebrities! Hollywood would have you believe that you should be back to your pre-pregnancy weight before you are discharged from the hospital!

Don’t believe the hype!

My motto is simple: It took you nine months to gain the weight, you should allow yourself at least that long to lose the weight. The truth is, moms are under a lot of unnecessary pressure to lose baby weight and sometimes they sacrifice nutrition and healthy eating habits along the way. Not good.

In the black community, a little meat on the bones and a little “junk in the trunk” is definitely more acceptable. But black women run the risk of staying at unhealthy weight levels throughout their lives.

As far as I’m concerned, all of this pressure just shows how the pregnancy experience is so undervalued in our country. Our wider hips and fuller waistlines aren’t appreciated as a small byproduct of the amazing experience of being life into the world. Instead, they are viewed as unwelcome reminders of birthing that must be sweated and crunched away immediately.

The messaging is that pregnancy should not be anything more than a 40-week deviation from your normal self, if that. Push out your baby and get back to you!

But I can’t completely blame Hollywood. We often have our own control issues to deal with. As women we try to control every aspect of the pregnancy process, instead of surrendering to enjoying the experience. Get out your white flag and let it wave. As I often said during my pregnancies, “I’m just a passenger on this train.”

Now that doesn’t mean that I sat up at night eating Haagen Dazs ice cream by the tubful for the sake of surrendering to the experience. No, a healthy diet is very important. So are a few less healthy indulgences every now and then.

Let’s just remember that moderation is always a good thing.

We have to educate ourselves about healthy weight gain and loss, and give our babies the best start. That includes eating enough to support breastfeeding and having the right kind of food energy that’s needed to keep up with the demands of caring for an infant.

And let’s take back healthy and reasonable expectations as far as losing baby weight is concerned and leave Hollywood to make their movies. They do call it La-La land for a reason.

Photo:Flickr/Bandita