The Most Amazing Machine

Originally posted January 18, 2011

Everything is harder right now.

It's harder to sleep all night. But it's also harder to get up in the morning. It's harder to prepare meals and take care of my toddler. It's harder to walk and bend. It's harder to blog. It's harder to put together a logical sentence. Everything just seems hard. I'm less than 5 weeks from my due date and everything is harder. I have so many things I desperately want to get done before #2 arrives, but as you may have heard me mention lately, everything is harder. Things just don't get done like they used to. I struggle to motivate myself to do the dishes, let alone paint the baby's dresser.

This state of affairs has brought me to tears of frustration a time or two (hormones don't help). I am so tired, but I have so much I want to do. There have been days where I have been so exhausted I didn't get a thing done, but that fact frustrates me. I want to be productive before everything changes again.

One day as I was feeling very "woe is me" over this state of affairs I had the opportunity to teach yoga that evening. So after an only somewhat productive day I taught a bunch of 14 to 15 year old girls yoga. They loved the class (which was really good for my pregnant self-esteem). They all gasped when I did a head stand. They all marveled that I can still do a push up. And they all got something positive out of the class for themselves. Or at least they told me they did.

That night as I was thinking about my situation I realized something: I need to chill. This body of mine is creating life! My body is working around the clock to grow another human being. And on top of that I take care of a toddler all day. So really, even on my days that I feel less than productive, things aren't really all that bad. I mean, my son gets fed and gets love. My baby is still growing and moving. Things are okay.

Then I started to ponder on the miracle the human body is. Not just a human body that happens to be growing someone else at the moment, although that is miraculous, but the human body in general. Think about it. Every moment your body is sustaining life. Your heart beats and pumps your blood. Your digestive system nourishes your body. Your nerves keep you from burning your hand on the stove. And you did nothing to make this happen.

When my son is starting to get sick he doesn't eat as well (not that he's a great eater generally, but it gets worse when he's coming down with something). He is generally not showing any other signs yet. But within a day or so he usually develops other symptoms that let me know he's sick. Isn't it amazing that his appetite automatically adjusts? His body has to deal with other things, like getting him healthy. So it shifts into that mode automatically.

Our bodies want us to be healthy and well. They work around the clock to keep us that way. Since having this revelation I have been trying to listen more carefully to my body. This usually means more breaks during the middle of a project than I had wanted to take, but it also means less pain at night from working too hard. I have been feeling a deeper appreciation for all that my body does. It really is an amazing thing. I mean, I am nearly 9 months pregnant and I can indeed do a push up (not that I really want to). But more than that, while all this development goes on inside me my body is also keeping me healthy and strong. My body is also allowing me to take care of my family even if we do have waffles for dinner far more often than we should. This body is amazing.

Yours is too. Even when things aren't going exactly how you want with your body. Even then your body is amazing. The only thing your body wants for you is health. So maybe we should try to remember that next time we are down with the flu. No it's not fun, but your body will be the one fighting the hardest to right things. Give your body credit for all the amazing things it DOES do. And maybe try a little more kindness towards it. It works around the clock for you after all.

Resolutely against Resolutions

Originally posted January 2, 2012

Well dear friends, welcome to 2012. It is still a little crazy to me. This year holds a lot of unknowns for me and my little family. Good unknowns, but unknowns non-the-less. I'm a planner. I struggle with not having a plan. But for some reason I am at peace with it this year. I know that whatever 2012 brings I'll get through it. I will have my family and friends. And that, my friends, is more than enough.

As the end of the year approached I started thinking about New Year's Resolutions. I'm sure the rest of you had those moments too. I have a problem with Resolutions though. Because let's be honest, the ones you hear the most about involve weight loss. I'm so sick and tired of everyone talking about the penance that they have to do come the new year for their bad behavior over the holidays. So much money is wasted on gym membership, special diet equipment, and other such hyped up stuff. All of these things are supposed to provide the magic bullet that will bring a thin physique and of course happiness. By the end of the year everyone is trying to get rid of the product they wasted so much money on via yard sale and then it all starts again.

Every time you go to the store all of the magazines in the checkout isle talk about your resolution to lose weight (because of course we are all resolved to do that, it is the universal resolution that brings mankind together. . . right?). All of the ads talk about losing weight. People post about it on Facebook and Twitter. From every single angle you get bombarded with the same idea: Resolve to lose weight now!

And I'm sick of it. So I had resolved not to resolve this year. To be honest all this diet talk can be a bit triggering for me. I've been doing my best to avoid any and all of it. I also feel that waiting until the New Year to start on something you've always wanted to start on is a little silly. Why not just start when you realize you have a goal?

But as I started thinking about 2012 I felt a little softened. Deciding to wait until the New Year may be silly, but honestly, who has time to start something new right in December. And there is something beautiful, refreshing, and hopeful about a new year. So maybe it's not that silly. But I'm still not resolving to lose weight (actually it is my goal to keep gaining for about 7 weeks, but that's a different deal).

So what do I want to accomplish in 2012? A lot. To be honest I have a lot of hopes, goals, and dreams for the year, but they aren't really worthy of being called a "resolution." I decided that this year I wanted to set just one resolution. Just one goal that would be challenging, but extremely achievable. Something that makes me happy and inspires me to improve my life in other areas. And yes, it has a everything to do with living a healthier and more balanced lifestyle.

In 2012 I am going to do a bit of yoga every. single. day.

Now, you are all aware that I'm going to have a baby in about 2 months. So I can tell you there will be days when I won't even get on my mat. I'm sure of that. But taking time to meditate, breathe, and carve out just a few minutes for myself each day is something that I need and want.

I'll be writing some about my experience here. That will help me stay on target. So here we are, January 2nd. I've done yoga 2 days in a row and am excited for the rest of the year.

Did you make resolutions this year? How do you feel about resolutions in general?

Celebrate movement and beauty

Originally posted September 12, 2011

I took my morning constitutional today. What a beautiful day. September has given way to cooler temperatures. I no longer start sweating the second I step out my front door. What a relief. It rained last night and everything smelled fresh. Some of the leaves are beginning to turn. It makes me so happy. I love fall. Gardens are being harvested, flowers are still out in full beauty, and everything just seems calmer while we wait for nature to move forward. I had the majestic mountains that I love so much to one side of me, and a gorgeous view of the valley and the lake beyond on the other. Life was good. Above us some very loud birds caught our attention as they soared through the air. Cormac leaned clear back in his stroller, looked up, and whispered under his breath "wow." I couldn't agree more. Wow.

But I wasn't just enjoying nature this morning. I was enjoying the feel of the pavement and dirt roads beneath my feet. I love to walk. It makes me happy. I love looking at the scenery. I love seeing new neighborhoods. I love, love, love looking at the houses that surround me. I walked 3.5 to 4 miles today. How blessed I am that I can do that. I'm on Cloud 9 already because I felt this little baby move for the first time yesterday. How incredible, not only can my body walk and move, but I'm blessed to have a little person growing inside of me. What is there not to rejoice about?

Let's switch gears for just a second. Don't worry, I'll bring us full circle. Did you know that this month is National Yoga Month! (Who makes this stuff up? Do you know? I sure don't, but I'm going with it anyway.) As a fan of yoga I am naturally excited about it. Let me tell you a bit about me and yoga. I came to yoga out of desperation. My body was in constant, unexplained pain and I had heard yoga could help. So I got a DVD and gave it a shot. It was so very hard. I couldn't reach my toes. Downward Dog was the hardest thing I had ever done. I couldn't hold it for more than a few short breaths. But after each practice my pain would ease up and I would have a few minutes of beautiful relief. So I kept at it. I was amazed that within just a couple of short weeks I could touch my toes with ease. Downward Dog took more time to feel comfortable (and is still a challenging pose for me thanks to my weak and inflexible shoulders). But what was exciting was what I could do. And how fast my body adapted to yoga. It was like we were made for each other. My body wanted yoga, craved it, and responded well when I would practice. It was love.

It makes me sad when I hear people say they can't do yoga because they aren't this, that, or the other. They are missing the point. Yoga has never been about what you can't do. Yoga is a celebration of what the body can do. So maybe you can't turn yourself into a pretzel, but you can do a beautiful headstand. There are so many possibilities with yoga. And your body changes with each practice. With each practice you can do a little more. Your body wants it. And it's a beautiful and amazing thing to celebrate the things that our bodies can do.

As I was walking this morning I was thinking about how boring the world would be if it were all mountains or all plains. But it isn't. It is diverse and beautiful. And it should be celebrated. The Earth i s a gift that we've been given from God. It should be celebrated. But how much more should we be celebrating our bodies. They are different, diverse, and oh so beautiful. They are gifts from God. Special gifts that He constructed just for us. Each is unique. Each has its own abilities. And each is beautiful and needed.

So celebrate that beautiful body this month. Move in a way that makes you feel fantastic. Try some yoga and this time don't you dare look at your neighbor or the person on your screen to compare what you look like with them. No. Instead acknowledge the greatness that is your own body and movements. You are beautiful. Take a few minutes to celebrate that.

Big Announcement: When dreams come true

About a month ago I got a crazy idea. Fortunately I have an amazing husband who was on board right away. But before anything could happen we had to clean out the chicken coop. Yes, we have a chicken coop. We have lived here for nearly 18 months. We have carefully avoided the chicken coop during the entire year and a half. It wasn't hard to avoid, this place was (is?) a fixer upper from the start. We have had to haul of truck load after truck load of junk. Since the coop was enclosed the mess within was easy to ignore. But in order for this idea of mine to come to fruition the coop had to be addressed.

Nasty.

But we got it cleaned out and began the work of moving all of my husband's shop into the newly clean coop. When we were looking at this property one of the big selling points was the amazing shop next to the house. Finally my husband would have a wood shop. Almost 900 square feet of shop (that's only slightly smaller than our last house). And now all he has to show for it is a chicken coop full of stuff. That's true love for you: the sacrifice of a wood shop for your wife's dream.

We have been working every night and free Saturday to get everything in order. And while we still have a lot (I mean a lot) of work to do, we are close enough that good things are going to start happening.

I guess I can't stall any longer. So without further ado let me announce the opening of:

We have turned that 900 square feet of prime real estate next to our house into a yoga studio! I've been wanting to teach since I was certified back in 2008. But apart from a few private lessons and a few group classes here and there I haven't been teaching much. And I so love to teach.

Classes will begin Thursday evening. And your first class is free, free, free, so if you're in the area (the Lindon, UT area) you should stop by. 

This is sort of a dream come true. I had convinced myself that I wasn't able to teach until my dress size was smaller, but as I have branched out and taught anyway I have found that I have been accepted without reservation. Having this little home studio is a bit of a leap of faith for me, but I'm thrilled to have a chance to share something I love so much with others.

A huge thanks to my husband for everything. He's amazing. I also need to thank my awesome sister for designing my logo. She's talented huh. Pictures of the transformed shop to studio will come soon. And if you want to come to a class let me know.

I'm Blogging Elsewhere Today

I'm a guest over at The Closet Narcissists today. Please click over to check it out. You'll love the fun things on their site and I hope you'll even like today's post. Below you'll find a little teaser.

Listening to your heart is not simple. Finding out who you are is not simple. It takes a lot of hard work and courage to get to know who you are and what you want. 

~Sue Bender

I have been on a journey to figure out who I truly am. Not only that, but to like that person. I'm a people liker. I get along with all types of people. I always have. Yet I have struggled for years to grant that same acceptance to myself. I have struggled to make myself into something I am not. For example:

This is a picture of my dear friend Lizzy (in white) and myself a few years ago. We were in Germany. We had Eurorail passes with a couple of other girls. We were all just 20, touring Europe, and having the time of our lives. Notice the way I am dressed. Notice the way Lizzy is dressed. I borrowed a long sleeve shirt from her and tied it around my waist, just like her. I also turned up my jeans, just the way Lizzy did. To give myself some credit, it was sometimes cold and having a long sleeve shirt to throw on at all times was nice, but this was not my style. I was only dressed like this because I desperately wanted to be Lizzy. I adore Lizzy. I always have. But learning that I don't have to be Lizzy, well that has been a different matter altogether.

Continue reading.

Just Breathe

We have had so much going on here at my house. . . too much in fact. With two large projects in the works life has been busy. I'm trying to keep up with small things too such as laundry, dusting, blogging, scouts, my personal yoga practice. Cormac has been sick. And I'm officially run down. The exhaustion has set in.

So yesterday night I had had enough and declared it an early-bedtime night. The hubby and I were tucked in bed by 9:30. Within 1 minute Ammon's breathing had slowed and he was already drifting in dream land. I so wish I could fall asleep that fast. As I snuggled up to him and tried to sleep I couldn't keep my mind from the millions of places it was going. How was I going to find time for all of it. I needed to go grocery shopping. What about the dishes? What color to paint the shop? So many things to think about.

After about 15 minutes I was beginning to panic. This usually happens with me when I'm trying to get some rest and am busy. I've struggled with insomnia for years. It has been much better recently (having a baby and being a mom wears you out). But as the time continued to tick, and I continued to be awake I started to worry that I wasn't going to get to sleep. Then I would have to run on empty the next day as well.

I tried talking myself down. Nothing was going to get done right then. If I wanted to be more productive tomorrow it was important that I allow my body to rest.

Still my mind wandered. Still I panicked that I wasn't sleeping.

It was after about 30 minutes of this that I decided to take some wisdom from yoga. I began to breathe. Okay, so I had been breathing the whole time, but I began to be conscious of it. When my mind wandered I acknowledged the thought and put it away in the file cabinet of my mind to be dealt with tomorrow. Then I breathed some more.

In. Out. In. Out.

After about 5 minutes I realized that I had calmed down and had been drifting in and out of dream land. It was amazing how calm, relaxed, and ready for sleep I was. And yesterday morning I woke up refreshed for the first time in weeks.

In case you are struggling some night and need to calm down and relax I will share with you the pattern of breathing I used. I inhaled for a comfortable amount of time. For me that is 4 seconds. Then I exhaled the same amount of time. I allowed my breathing to be equal until it was comfortable and natural. Then I extended my inhale by one second. In for 4 seconds, out for 5. After a little while at this rate I bumped it up to 6 seconds out. Keeping the inhale where it was. Worked like a charm.

The power of our breath is absolutely incredible. Why do you think they teach women going into labor how to breathe? It's that powerful. Try it out. Just taking a few minutes each day to breathe consciously can help you manage stress and anxiety in powerful ways.

Accepting that my buns will never be steel

Image Source

I bought a gym membership because my doctor thought it would be a good idea for me to start swimming. I have a horrible back. It has gotten to the level of constant pain (on a side note, I think this could be helped with yoga, but I'm so busy, so so busy that I usually only get in about 30 minutes of yoga a day). I walked into the gym and instantly felt bad about myself.

For the next few weeks I worked out every day. Sometimes twice a day. I just knew that if I worked out hard enough in no time I would look like the girls I imagined were shunning me. I ignored the sore feelings all over my body. The ones that made it difficult to life up my baby boy. I even imagined my back was getting better (it was not).

Cormac was allowed to stay in the day care for 90 minutes. I felt that I had to work hard the entire hour and a half. If I went to an hour long class that left 30 minutes for some self punishing. But some days I was so so tired. But if I couldn't do the work outs I would never be able to change. And I would be a failure. How hard could it be? Other people did it.

But after a series of horrible ear infections that Cormac managed to get every single time I'd take him to the day care we decided to take some time off. I think that's when I realized how incredibly burned out I was. Working out was awful. I hated it. I just wanted to lay around and never move again.

I tried going back to the gym a few times, but I would usually give up after a few days. It was too hard.

Yes, it's safe to say that sometimes I am hypocritical. I tell you all about how I'm trying to love my body where it is, but then I would go to the gym for a punishing 90 minutes after which I'd put the baby down for a nap and do at least another 30 minutes at home. But the only thing I was gaining was more and more injuries. And I really wasn't losing much weight, if any. I stop abusing food to abuse exercise. When I'm not abusing either of those I move on to money or obsessive house cleaning.

Learning to love yourself is hard work. For me learning all the different things I do to hide from dealing with my insecurities has been particularly difficult.

But I digress.

So I had stopped going to the gym or working out at all. But one day it was warm out. And sunny. And oh how I want Spring. So I put my little one in his stroller and out we went. It felt good. As I walked I started tuning in to my body. I loved the way it felt to walk and move. I realized how much I truly love to walk. Moving my body didn't have to be all punishment.

I finally decided to go back to a kick boxing class one day. After the class I would go home. No guilt over the last 30 minutes I didn't spend working out. That evening I did a nice 15 minute relaxing yoga routine to stretch out after the class and help avoid the aching in my body. I felt great.

I've come to the realization that little things add up. Getting a little physical activity in each day is  far more beneficial to my health than killing myself for a few days/weeks in a row then taking a few months to recover.

So even though I may never have buns of steel (who wants to sit on steel anyway?) I can have an incredibly healthy heart and enjoy my body.

Weekly Challenge

So I didn't make it 6 days of working out last week. I only did 4. But one of the days I didn't workout I was painting a house. Another day I didn't workout I spent a good chunk of the day lifting heavy boxes and bags, so I guess I feel like I did a pretty fair job.

Here is what I learned through last week and what I would like to do for this week's challenge; working out to lose weight does not work. I know that sounds strange, but trust me on this a little. If you are working out with a weight loss goal in mind chances are you will eventually give up in despair. Not always, but sometimes. If you do reach your goal you will then feel as though you no longer need to workout. I know this is not always the case, but I think it often is. Between my experience last week and what I've been reading this week I believe that working out to lose weight does not work.

Last week I weighed myself every day! Every. Single. Day. People, this is not healthy. Sometimes I weighed myself more than once in a day just to see how it fluctuated. Not good. On Friday I was so sad that I hadn't lost weight. I had no expectations for myself that day. I went to my yoga class like that. It was the most amazing class I have been to in a long time. I did things I know I couldn't have done a few weeks ago. It was exhilarating, and I loved it. I came away from that class pondering what was so unique about that day versus the others. What I have concluded is this: working out in order to be healthy and to enjoy working out for it's own sake is wonderful. It is motivating. It is healthy. It is fun!

Have you guessed where I'm going yet? Well, here it is. I want you to STOP working out to lose weight. That's right. I do not want you to stop working out. This week we are going to try to move our bodies at least 4 or 5 days this week. But there is no time we are going for. No huge goal. What we are going for is listening to our bodies. When you begin your workout see how you feel. During your workout listen to your body. If you feel good, push yourself. If you are tired then stop. Or change activities. Just listen to your body. How do you feel after your workout and later in the day? Do what makes you feel good. And most of all rejoice in what you can do. Because you can do a lot.

Oh, and the other thing is that we are putting our scales away. That's right, no more weighing or measuring for a few weeks. Not forever. Just for the time being. Put them in the attic, garage, basement, wherever you can to get them off of your mind. The focus is not on weight at all. Give up on that. Forget about it. Just enjoy being you and being where you are now.

I'm so looking forward to this week's challenge. I hope you will all join me. I think that I have made a huge break through and I hope that others can experience it also. How'd you do last week?

P.S. I'm still planning on working toward my marathon, but this time it is to fulfill a life goal I've had, not to lose weight. So much more motivating.

Yoga in the Park

I love yoga. It has helped my life in so many ways. Yoga has helped me along my journey to accept myself as I am. Yoga has helped me to cope with the stress in my life at various stages. Yoga has helped me deal with my intense pain that I sometimes have. Yoga has helped me to get in shape. Yoga has helped me to be more flexible. Yoga has given me a whole new perspective on life.

Now before you say, "That's really nice for you, Melanee. But I can't do yoga because I'm not flexible," or I'm not strong enough, or I don't understand it, etc., etc., etc., let me tell you that I know all your excuses and they won't work on me. Yoga is for everyone. People look at yoga and they see people doing things like this and think they could never do yoga:

Picture taken from exurbanpedestrian.wordpress.com/.../

I once was in this camp as well. But yoga isn't about doing crazy things with your body, although that can be a fun side effect. Yoga is about being good to your body. It's about turning your attention inside and nourishing your body. Yoga should be about you and only you. It is about what your body needs to help it along the path to health, peace, and enlightenment.

True yogis are non-judgmental when it comes to yoga practice. I could barely touch my toes when I started. Now I can touch my toes and then some. If you have never tried yoga I encourage you to try it out.

Good news if you want to try, or if you already do yoga! If you are in the Utah County area I am going to be teaching a FREE yoga class on Tuesday mornings in the park. This is going to be a really laid back event. Please bring your kids, they can participate or play at the park. Please come ready to enjoy yourself. Right now it will just be once a week. If we get more interest I'll do more.

Please look at the tab called Yoga in the Park for more details. I really hope to see you there. It should be a rewarding and fun experience.